Kendall's Day Off
by gargle
Summary: Kendall just wants one quiet, carefree morning.  But that's difficult when he can't ever stop being Kendall.  Logan POV, not slash.  Friendship, family, character study, action, and inevitable whumpage.
1. Chapter 1

"Logaaaan! Logie, Logie, Logie. "

Logan just had time to grip the edges of his laptop before Kendall bounced over the back of the couch and onto the seat cushion next to him, jostling Logan's knees but not spilling a drop of his own OJ. "And what are you doing on this ridiculously early morning?" He threw his arm around Logan's shoulders and peered at the video on the computer screen. "Ugh." His face wrinkled in comic distaste. "There seriously is more than one way to skin a cat? I always thought that was an expression."

"It's _biology,_" Logan defended, tilting the screen protectively out of Kendall's view.

"It's mutant," Kendall countered. "And, it's _Saturday._" He hopped up and slapped the laptop shut. "And I'd rather be sleeping but _since_ James and Carlos insisted on waking us before dawn, I say we accept their gift, however misguided, and take advantage of this early hour."

"Oh, what," Logan grimaced, "join Operation _'Stake- Out -the-Pool-Before-Sunrise-So-No-Girls-Get-By-You'_?" He reopened his laptop. "I'll take the cats."

"Actually, I think it's called 'Operation Moonblock', and, no. Our adventures, my newly-licensed friend, await us far from the land of lounge chairs and zombie cats."

The keys to the BTR-Mobile suddenly dangled an inch from Logan's nose. "And so it begins," Logan sighed, staring at the jangling metal as though it had betrayed him.

"Indeed it does!" Kendall enthused. "Every young man with his very own, thoroughly legal driver's license must heed the siren call of the early morning, the open road, a _sweet _car… " he shook the keys for emphasis "…and his best bud. " He emphatically pushed the laptop closed with one finger and struck a palms-up pose. "Whaddaya say? "

"I'm in the middle of something." Logan wrenched the laptop open.

"Yeah, in the middle of learning to create mutant zombie cats. Which," Kendall allowed, "could be fun - if there weren't miles and miles of unexplored road waiting to meet a cherry GTO with a full tank of gas."

Logan considered his hyper- animated friend. It wasn't the least bit unusual that Kendall had hatched a plan and was throwing himself into getting Logan to go along. But something had those expressive eyebrows on speed-emphasis this morning. Which was always fun to watch. And mess with.

"You could take a walk."

"Logan." Kendall's voice was laced with sadness and disapproval. "This is L.A.! This is the home of the car culture. We are teenagers. We have a car. _You_ have your license. _And we haven't gone anywhere!_"

"Mmm." Logan pushed his way off the couch and past his groveling band mate, keeping his eyes glued to the computer. If Kendall _really_ wanted something, that action would tip him into salesmanship overdrive.

Bingo.

"Logie, come onnn," Kendall wheedled. "Consider it… an anthropological expedition! You could write a thesis on potholes. Maybe we'll find a cat! But Mom and Katie are sleeping, Mario and Luigi are at the pool, Jo's gone all day and I reallyreally_really_ wanna do Mulholland!" The last plea was delivered with closed eyes and prayerful hands. Logan stayed silent until one green eye pried open. "Please?"

"Ohhh, I understand it now. How did I not see this sooner? It was bound to happen." Logan shook his head sadly while placing one hand on Kendall's forehead. "Delayed Hollywood Fever," he tsked. "I'm writing you a prescription for snow down your back."

Kendall jerked out of reach. "_Logan_-"

"O.K." Logan acquiesced, knowing the limit. "But you _will_ wear your seatbelt, we _will_ have fully-charged cell phones with us, there _will_ be a first-aid kit in the car along with a road emergency kit, and we're back in an hour. "

"Check, check, check and check!" Kendall picked up Logan's first aid kit from the kitchen counter and tapped it on the side.

"And we should tell your mom-"

"Nooo, no we shouldn't. She's sleeping, no need to wake her."

Logan's Spidey senses started tingling. "Why do I smell trouble?"

"No trouble." Kendall patted Logan's shoulder. "It's our car, and you're allowed to drive it. We're not breaking any rules here."

God, the places that charisma landed them. How he still fell for it after so many years, and so many detentions, Logan could never explain. But, he did. They all did. "No," he heard himself agree, "I guess we're not. But" - and this was where he always inserted the responsible part of their plans - "leave her a note. "

"Fine." Kendall recited out loud as he wrote on a sticky note. "Mom. Logan and I went out for a while. Love, Kendall."

"In the car."

"In…the…car." Kendall set down the pen.

"She can read it better if you actually write it down." Katie had materialized to critique her brother's message.

"Nah. She's Mom. She'll know," Kendall reasoned.

"Why don't we just make certain?" Logan reached for the pen.

"It's fine." Kendall pulled the paper away. "Why are you making such a big deal?"

Logan's Spidey sense gave way to THREATCON Bravo. "Why are _you _making a big deal?"

"I'm not. I just want a nice, quiet morning for everyone."

"That's not happening for James and Carlos," Katie commented, her attention diverted out the window. "They'll be up here to change any minute."

"Smoothies?" Logan grimaced.

Katie nodded. "The Jennifers."

The boys shuddered in sympathy.

"As we do not want smoothie on the interior of the BTR- Mobile," Kendall started for the door, "this would be the perfect time to depart."

"Sounds good." Katie followed her brother.

"Uhhh, not this time, little sis. Logan and I must face the road mano-a-mano." He pounded his chest in salute.

"Aw, come on," Katie protested. You're finally gonna blow open up those sweet three deuces to ride the rail on a hairpin curve – and I have to stay here with the Boo-Berry brothers?"

Logan was still trying to absorb Katie's patter when Carlos burst through the door.

"Strawberry mango," he corrected, gesturing to his pink-swamped tank. "But worth it."

"You're making progress?" Kendall asked, incredulous.

"No. But we were up too early to get breakfast so now – " James scooped smoothie remains from his t-shirt into the palm of his hand and slurped it down – "we're good!"

"Oh. That's… handy." Logan congratulated, watching Kendall slip out the door. "Once you finish eating your wardrobe, you going back to the trenches?"

"Oh yes," James answered.

"We've got lots of shirts," Carlos added cheerfully, sucking on his hem.

"Great!" Logan waved, backing out of the door. "Hope you get lunch."

"Ooh!" Carlos exclaimed as the door closed. "Lunch smoothies!"

Logan caught up to Kendall in the lobby, where he was pacing the floor while twirling the key ring on his finger. The second he spied Logan he bolted for the door. "Let's go!"

Hustling to keep up, Logan wondered again what had gotten into Kendall. And what he, by extension, had gotten himself into by agreeing to this morning sojourn. "Kens!" he called. "Wait up."

"No can do!" his leader sang back, long legs breaking into a lope as their car came into view. Reaching the vehicle, he started dancing. "_Kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat, I gotta make my mi-ind up which seat can I taaaaake…_"

"Ugh, take the trunk!"

"Ah no, that's Bitters' special spot. " Kendall spun a 360 and pointed both fingers at Logan. "But not anymore!" He tossed the keys and leapt into the passenger's seat. "Whoo! _Little GTO you're really lookin fine, three deuces and a four-speed and a 389_…"

"Did you have a lot of sugary cereal for breakfast?" Logan asked as he entered the car in the traditional manner, checked his mirrors, buckled in and started the ignition. Kendall merely shook his head as he continued his serenade.

"_Listen to her tachin' up now, listen to her whi-ee-eye-ine, C'mon and turn it on, wind it up, blow it out GTO. Wah wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah_…"

Logan laughed at the falsetto and they pulled away from the Palm Woods.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews and alerts. You've made me write so much, I ended up splitting this chapter in two. Re chapter 1: The GTO song was recorded by Ronny and the Daytonas, Jan and Dean, and The Beach Boys. Do I need to tell you who the credit for ""Friday" goes to? Speaking of credit, I do not own BTR, nor do I pretend to. Warnings this chapter? Teens behaving like dweebs.**

"OK, so where are we going?"

"West on Sunset."

"I meant, where are we intending to arrive? Are we kidnapping a llama for Jett? A Laker girl for Carlos? Vidal Sassoon for James? "

"Dude," Kendall admonished. "Chillax. We're just riding." He flung his arms in the air, letting the oncoming rush of air push them back. "No destination. No deadlines. Everyone's good."

Logan risked a quick look at his passenger. Kendall had laid his head over the back of the white vinyl seat with an expression that could only be described as blissed out. And Logan started to have one of his Understanding Kendall moments. _Everyone's good._ In Kendallspeak, that didn't mean he was fine with everyone. It meant everyone was actually fine, right now. Everyone his sixteen-year-old self looked out for. They were at the pool or sleeping in, not needing him at that moment to provide answers or ideas or protection. And that, Logan realized, was the urgency of the morning. Even if he loved them all fiercely, even if he was a natural leader, Kendall wanted out and away, just for an hour.

"So, there's no diabolical plan?"

"Logie, there is no plan at all beyond this. Just a series of turns to make for a spectacular, brain-free drive. You're gonna need to turn right when you get to Beverly Drive."

"So we are going somewhere."

"You're gonna drive Mulholland."

"And you know this route because?"

"Leno posted it online. He says it's like a racetrack hidden in the city."

"Racetrack," Logan repeated blankly. He knew he shouldn't have relaxed. Kendall's idea of no trouble was sacrificing his best friend to a dragstrip. "Good."

"And we're on it at 7:30 AM on a Saturday, Logie. So it will be empty. Trust me. Meanwhile, enjoy the view. Enjoy driving this awesome car. Enjoy how you _look_ driving this awesome car."

Logan adjusted his sunglasses because that _was_ a sweet picture. He was driving the band's awesome care of awesomeness down a famous road lined with royal palms. Of course, the lack of traffic that made the drive appealing also cut into the number of people who could see just how cool Logan Mitchell looked at this moment. "Think anyone will recognize us?"

"I'm hoping for no."

"It would be cool if someone from Minnesota recognized us."

"That I agree with." Kendall bumped Logan's outstretched fist.

Logan grinned. "The hockey heads, driving around LA in a classic convertible. It's insane," he admitted. "It's completely insane. But I think I love it."

"Yeah," Kendall grinned back at him. "OK, right onto Coldwater Canyon Road."

They spun past the green lawns of Beverly Hills and started to climb. And maybe it was the early sun and the smooth pavement and the wheel under his hands and the distance from the apartment that relaxed Logan enough to ask the question that nagged at him.

"So Kendall," and he almost sucked his words back in as Kendall looked at him sharply. "Uh, if we're not doing anything evil or, you know, frowned upon by society, why did we not tell your mom we were taking the car out?"

Kendall looked away and studied the roadside scenery, making Logan berate himself for ruining the morning. But when his buddy turned back to face him, he was surprisingly forthcoming.

"I don't want her to worry," he said simply, but with that particular voice and particular face that reminded Logan how much _older_ his younger friend was. Reminded him of why, back home, Kendall had always held a job, why he'd missed nights hanging out because he'd been watching Katie while his mom worked. It was the reason Kendall wanted a hockey scholarship, and frankly it was the reason the other three of them always looked for him to lead. Because Kendall didn't want anyone to worry, and did his best to make everything ok. For everyone. Which, in Logan's eyes, wasn't really always fair.

"Bro, she's a mom. The sun rises, they worry."

"Yea, well she'd worry more if her first news of the morning was that we were out driving around. On parent radar, a car boosts the worry factor times ten. "

"More than Carlos jumping off the balcony?"

"More than James not combing his hair."

"Ooh. Red flag. But come on, I'm the trustworthy one. Doesn't she trust me to drive?"

"Loag, out of all of us, I'm sure she will _only_ ever trust you to drive. But it doesn't matter. The worry factor is built in, and it automatically rises with the introduction of motor vehicles." He shrugged. "She didn't need that this morning."

"OK." Logan wasn't sure he'd do it that way, but he understood Kendall's approach, as much as he understood anything Kendall. Apparently his brain wanted to understand more, because words started slipping out of his mouth without his permission. "How's your worry factor?"

"My worry factor?" Kendall frowned. "Logan, you're our worrier, remember?"

Logan felt a little petulant. "You guys always say that like it's a bad thing. But _I'm_ not the one who wanted the morning drive to nowhere. I'm not Mister 'Get the dogs together, keep the dogs together, outmaneuver Gustavo and Griffin, keep Jett away from Jo, worry about your mom, worry about Katie.' "

"Oh-ho. That's good coming from Mister Doogie Howser Jr, Mister 'I need new friends before I have a nervous breakdown', Mister 'Gustavo doesn't like me', Mister 'Is Camille my girlfriend this week or next?'

"Hey!"

"Hey, yourself. I am declaring this a worry-free zone, OK? The hockey heads," he swept his arms around grandly, "are on Mulholland Drive. Check out the valley."

Logan shook his head, knowing Kendall had closed the door. He didn't think his worries stacked up anywhere near those of his friend, and he guiltily offered thanks for his intact family, even if they were half a continent away.

As for this moment, he had to bring the mood in the car back to an appropriately juvenile level.

"Ohhh." Logan tapped the instrument panel. "Oh no, no, no."

"What?"

"Intruder alert. Readings are off the chart." He threw Kendall the king of all of worry stares. Kendall, in return, rolled his eyes.

"Logan…"

"Sensors are reporting… oh, it's definitely a worry. Most likely a high-altitude hill variety. "

Kendall graced the sky with an exasperated grin before he caved, straightening his face. "They're the worst kind. Can you pinpoint it?" He busily punched all the radio buttons.

Logan twisted the radio knob. "I'm getting something… Aah! Don't _move_."

"What is it?"

"Don't you hear it… that _ticking_ sound?"

"I thought it was my stomach rumbling."

"Close enough. Look down. _Don't jostle it, man!_ Now very, very gently lift it…"

Kendall gingerly picked the blue metal first aid kit off the car floor and held it to his ear. He widened his eyes, gave Logan a horrified look, and the two screamed in unison.

"_BOMB!_"

Kendall tossed the kit into the back seat and laughed, punching Logan's arm. "We are such dweebs."

"Laugh now," Logan intoned, "but it only proves, nothing good comes of teenagers in cars."

A new voice joined the conversation.

"Then thank goodness I'm not a teenager."


	3. Chapter 3

**Re: Chapter 2: Jay Leno does indeed have an online in-car video of him driving the Mulholland circuit. That's where Kendall saw it. **

"Then thank goodness I'm not a teenager."

"_What_?"

"Katie! What are you doing here?" Kendall whined as Logan pulled over.

"Well, I wanted to see the road, too." Katie stood up in the back seat. "There was nothing to do at home. I was going to let you know I was here once we were too far to turn back. But you kept saying no worries, and I was comfortable, so I didn't' worry about it. Oh, and by the way? You guys are totally dweebs."

"Where were you?" Logan swiveled the rear view mirror, trying to examine any hiding places. "I didn't see you."

"I was on the floor. It's pretty roomy. And, I had a blanket to lie on." She displayed a pink micro fleece emblazoned with CastleBashers characters.

"Katie," Kendall was livid. "That was a stupid thing to do. A, because it was _stupid_. I told you you couldn't come. And B, because you weren't secured back there. What if something had happened?"

"Oh" she challenged, hands on hips, "like a "bomb" hitting me in the head?"

"Serves you right," Kendall retorted. He wagged his finger at her. "And this is not the end of this. Now sit down and buckle in. _Far away_. And act like you aren't there."

Logan tried not to smirk at Kendall's parental clichés. He didn't mind having Katie along, but wasn't happy with how their stowaway would dampen Kendall's carefree mood. For her part, Katie dutifully slid to sit in the corner directly behind Logan. Once he was sure she was buckled, Logan eased them back onto the road.

Kendall pouted for a few minutes, scowling through the windshield. But he couldn't resist the allure of their surroundings for long. "Leno said all the old Hollywood actors used to come up here and race."

"Around these curves?" _Seriously?_ Logan was enjoying guiding the car along the twisting road at a manageable speed, with few other cars around. He couldn't imagine racing there; not knowing what was behind the next turn.

"Yeah, in all sorts of souped up sports cars. Steve McQueen raced a motorcycle."

"That'll be Carlos." Both boys tapped their heads twice in imitation of their helmeted pal.

"And James will have a custom Corvette."

"No, no, a DeLorean."

"That's a mad scientist car – shouldn't that be yours?"

"Ha ha."

"Then what would you choose?"

"Uh, I could see myself in…" oh man, he didn't have an answer for this. "In… this car."

"Oh, way to stretch your imagination Logie. I see you in a Hummer, all armored and safe."

"Oh yeah? Well, _you _don't even get a car."

"What? Why not?"

"You know. You get a white horse." They'd been making that pun about Kendall's last name for at least four years.

"A horse could probably beat that hunk of junk." Katie piped up, pointed out an ugly beige pickup coming from the opposite direction. "Ugh. I thought it was supposed to be glamorous up here."

"You," Kendall said sweetly, "are not here. So shut up." Logan laughed as Kendall exhumed the GTO song again, drumming along on the dashboard and planting the morning firmly back in guy car territory.

"_Gonna save all my money and buy a GTO, Get a helmet and a roll bar and I'll be ready to go_

_Take it out to Pomona, and let 'em know, oh oh_

_That I'm the coolest thing around, Little buddy gonna shut you down_

_When I turn it on, wind it up, blow it out GTO"_

"How do you know these songs? It's like the thing with the 90s channel."

"Dude, you are driving a GTO. You gotta know the GTO song. Give me harmony."

"_Wah wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah _

_Wah wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah_

_Wah Wah, Wah-wah-wah-_what is this guy doing?" Logan asked the mirror. A truck had appeared around the curve behind them and was rapidly moving up.

"Ew," Katie reported, "it's the ugly truck."

"Maybe he was offended by your comment."

"Maybe he's just a dickwad." Kendall was clearly annoyed at another intrusion on his perfect morning. "Pull over and let him pass."

"Yeah." Logan had no need to deal with jackass drivers when the road was so empty. He pulled over onto the dirt shoulder overlooking an expanse of chaparral scrub. "Hey," he tapped Kendall and pointed. "I wonder if this is part of the trail we passed on the other side. Because if it is, we should -"

Any thoughts of what they should do were obliterated by the shock of being thrown face-first into the steering wheel, then roughly snapped back. The boom of metal on metal was still vibrating through his gut as he raised a shaky hand to the bridge of his nose. Not broken. But man, there'd be whiplash.

"Shit!" Kendall was reaching up to a bloody lip as he looked at Logan. "Dude…" The momentary confusion on his face was quickly replaced by panic. "Katie?" He unbuckled and turned to the back seat.

"Yes."

Logan had a split second to feel relief at hearing her voice, however small and shaken, before it turned into a shriek of terror.

"_Kendall!" _

Suddenly Kendall was launching himself into the back seat with a roar of rage. Logan twisted around, heart in his throat, and screamed himself at what he saw. _"Katie!"_

A giant of a man had a huge hand wrapped around Katie's left forearm, the other reaching for her seatbelt, and was trying to pull her out of the car.

In a blur of plaid Kendall smashed into the stranger, backhanding the first-aid kit into his bearded face.

"Let go of her!"

The frenzied defender and the metal box he wielded seemed to have no impact on the intruder, who continued to try and pry Katie from her seat.

"Let go, you bastard. _Let go!_"

Kendall wedged himself in front of Katie, protecting her with his legs as he hammered at the behemoth with his makeshift weapon - face, arm, face, arm - screaming until the attacker finally released his grip. Grabbing his sister around the waist, he shoved her forward to the passenger seat.

Logan hauled Katie up front, slammed the car into gear, gunned the motor - and went nowhere. While the front wheels spun furiously in the dirt, the car only shuddered and dragged sideways with an earsplitting screech.

"Go, go!" Kendall screamed before his cries were cut short by a yelp of pain. Logan felt him thud against the back of the driver's seat.

"It can't!" Logan yelled back, terrified as the assailant approached the driver's side door. This was _not_ happening. Reaching past Katie he popped the passenger door open and pushed her out ahead of him, wrapping himself around her as soon as he could stand.

"Logan, run! Run with her!" A bloody-nosed Kendall vaulted from atop the car door and landed entirely on top of Katie's pursuer. Logan blanched as the man staggered but didn't go down. He was nearly twice Kendall's size.

"Oh shit," Logan whispered. "Kendall, oh shit."

"Go!" the other boy screamed, and Logan was moving, scooping Katie up and racing from the scene, the girl crying and screaming for her brother as they ran into the dense brush.

"Tree!" 100 feet in, Logan swung them sideways into a copse of scrub oaks and started lifting Katie into the largest one. "Get up the tree."

"But Kendall-"

"Get up the tree!" Logan barked, boosting her up the dividing trunk and into the lower branches before following himself. "P… letter P." His fingers fumbled with his phone. P, Panic. He tapped the word and nearly cried when the connection went through to LAPD dispatch. "Please help, I have an emergency." Logan spoke as rapidly and clearly as possible, tuning out Katie's crying. "I'm on Mulholland Drive, we were run off the road in an attempted kidnapping. The suspect – he's still here, my friend is fighting him, we need help. We're on the shoulder east of the Betty Dearing trail parking and also east of the last bunch of houses. I can't see any houses now. Look for a maroon GTO convertible. We were hit by a beige pickup. The guy's huge…"

Logan was living two realities, half his brain wanting to fall to pieces while the other half coolly rattled off information. _Where was Kendall? And where was that lunatic? The monster could find them at any moment._

"Yes," he dutifully continued. "My name is Logan Mitchell. I'm hiding with Katie Knight, we're hiding in the scrub. Kendall, uh, Kendall Knight was holding the guy off but - the guy was _really_ big." The mismatch flashed before him. "Please hurry," he hitched. _Oh God_. "Please hurry."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the continued alerts, that's very cool. I would really like to hear what you guys think that's prompting you to add this to your lists. Please? Warning: There's some gore in this chapter, just so you know. **

Please hurry. Please hurry. Please hurry.

Logan chanted the mantra as he made his way up to Katie. He clutched his phone in one hand, the dispatcher's voice climbing with him.

"_Logan, stay on the line. Logan, are you still there? Has anything changed? Logan?"_

She was crouched in a V between two branches, arms wrapped around the larger. Logan shifted around the slim trunk and gathered her in a one-armed hug. She laid her head against him, her shuddering breaths and wet face tearing at his self-control.

"Ok," he crooned, dropping a kiss on her head. "It's OK. The police will be here soon. Everything will be OK." He peered down at her. "Are you all right? Were you hurt?" Katie pulled her face from his chest, shaking her head no. "OK. You sit tight here. We'll hear the sirens any minute. I'm going to go higher and see if I can see the road. You hold on tight to this branch, and stay quiet. Help's gonna be here, OK?" Katie's chin quivered and her eyes were pooled with tears as she nodded. Logan gave her another kiss on the head and started climbing. He didn't get far before the branches thinned too much for his weight, but it was far enough.

"_Logan? Can you tell us anything? Logan?"_

"He's gone."

"_Who's gone, Logan?"_

"The guy, the truck. I can see our car, but his truck is gone. I can see the road and I don't - I don't see it anywhere. "

"_Logan, he could still be there. Stay where you are, we're almost to you."_

"But, Kendall. I don't see Kendall!"

"_Logan, do not go to your car. Stay hidden. We're almost there."_

Logan Mitchell respected authority. He understood the wisdom in the advice he was receiving. And torturous as it was not to jump down and look for Kendall, he would have listened and kept Katie hidden there in the scrub. But Katie, Katie was a Knight. And Katie had already scrambled down the tree and taken off toward her brother. _And who knows what else_, Logan's mind reeled as he raced after her.

"Kendall! Kendall!"

The minute Katie started calling, Logan was on alert for their attacker, expecting him to burst out at them, waiting on just this scenario. But he hadn't shown himself by the time Logan caught up to Katie, and by the time they reached the car together, Logan's fears were soaring in a different direction. As they rounded the hood his steps faltered, dreading what he might find on the other side. Katie, with no such compunction, bolted ahead of him. And for the second time that day, her scream pierced his heart.

Logan tore around the car. Katie was on her hands and knees, her face inches from that of her brother. "Kendall? _Kendall?_ Kendall, wake up. Kendall, he's gone now! Kendall, wake up!"

Logan dropped to his knees beside her. "Logan," she pleaded, turning streaming eyes to him. "Logan, make him wake up."

He grabbed her in a quick hug. "He needs your blanket. Get it from the car." She moved to fetch it, and Logan, with a deep breath, tried to register what was before him.

His best friend was crumpled in a heap on his right side, eyes closed. The right half of his face was hidden against the ground. Streaks of blood decorated his left lip, jaw and neck; blood that stained Logan's fingers as he felt for and found a carotid pulse. Kendall was breathing rapidly through his mouth. It was apparent that his nose was broken, that would account for the blood on his face. But it was not enough to explain the disturbing amount staining the driver's door; red that smeared all the way to the bottom of the car where Kendall lay. Logan shivered as he contemplated the evidence. Kendall's right arm was pinned beneath him, so he had probably been unconscious when he'd collapsed. Ghosting his hands over his friend's torso and legs, he couldn't see any other obvious injuries, certainly no other blood... Logan fought off a wave of nausea as he pieced together what must have happened. "Oh Kendall." His eyes filled and he touched the blonde hair. "God, I'm sorry."

Katie silently returned with her blanket, and Logan tucked the cheerful fleece around his friend. He didn't dare move him, not with the obvious risk of head or spine trauma. And truthfully, he wasn't sure he wanted to see the right side of Kendall's face.

Hearing the sirens nearing, he pulled Katie into his lap. She laid her hand on Kendall's cheek, Logan took up his friend's bruised left hand, and they waited for help.

* * *

><p>"Slide right in here," the EMT shifted out of the way. "See if you can reach him."<p>

"Kendall." Logan placed a hand on top of his panicking friend's head while EMT's continued working around him. "Kens," he leaned in, focusing on his friend's left ear. Anything to keep his gaze from straying to the other side. "Kens, it's Logan. You gotta stay still, bud." Kendall thrashed what little he could, being in a cervical collar and taped to a backboard. He wasn't fully conscious but he was fully agitated. An EMT held down his left arm, which now sported an IV on the back of his hand. Logan held down his right, staying well away from the broken wrist. "Kendall," he tried for a stern tone. The hope was that on some level Kendall would hear him. "Dude. Settle down. Settle down. It's OK."

A guttural sound came from under the oxygen mask. The EMT slipped it aside.

"Kendall?"

"Hab'n?" Kendall slurred, and Logan nearly wept in relief.

"You got in a fight," he offered carefully. "You're gonna be OK."

Kendall didn't open his blackening left eye, and Logan knew he couldn't open his grotesquely swollen right eye. "We 'ihn?"

"Yeah buddy, we won." Logan smiled.

"Scrr?"

"Uh," Logan looked up at the EMT for help.

"It's OK," the man encouraged. "He's gonna be confused. Just keep him calm."

"OK. Uh, 3 to 1." That seemed accurate.

"Bigguy? Hurs." Kendall had stopped trying to move his head, but reached restlessly with his left fingers. Logan grasped them.

"Real big guy. You popped him a couple. But you know the drill now, Kens. Be good, let these guys do their work. You gotta go to the hospital."

"Drill?" one of the EMTs mouthed.

"Hockey," Logan shrugged, feigning lightheartedness. "Not his first time on a backboard."

But it was his first time with half his face obscured under swelling and blood and bruises and gashes. The first time he had Logan racking his memory for procedure on cheek fractures and orbital floor injuries and vision loss. The first time he'd been beaten half to death by a random maniac on a dirt shoulder.

" 'om?" Kendall breathed.

"She'll be there," Logan assured him. "She'll meet us there."

"He's out again," the first EMT called, replacing the oxygen. "Let's move."

**So… review? **


	5. Chapter 5

**What's a story without a chapter devoted to Logan angst? No fun at all, I say. Continued thank-yours for the alerts and favorites and cool stuff. It is gratifying to know people are enjoying this. It would be super-gratifying to know why. So it you want to drop a message or a review, that would be awesome. Don't own BTR. Or much else. Enjoy.**

_I can't do this. _

Logan stared at his cell, Mrs. Knight's number scrolling impatiently across the screen. They were in the back of a police cruiser, on their way to the hospital. He'd had the gallant idea that he would call Kendall's mother himself, let her hear about everything from him. Maybe it wouldn't frighten her as much. Maybe he could get Katie to speak with her.

His unofficial little sister was curled against his side, both of her hands clinging to his right forearm as he kept her in a tight hold. It had been a while since she had spoken, and he wasn't sure if she was actually awake. How would he explain a silent Katie to Mrs. Knight? How would he explain a broken Kendall? His friend's pulverized face resurfaced in his mind. How would he explain how he, Logan, came out of this A-OK?

"I, uh, I can't do this." Logan handed his cell to the cop riding shotgun. "I can't. I don't know how…"

"Logan, it's OK," the cop reassured him. "I'll call her now. It's OK."

"I just think... I mean, I _want_ to… it's just…"

"It's OK, Logan. It's perfectly OK."

"God, stop saying that!" Logan exploded. "There's _nothing_ OK! Kendall's… Kendall's bad. Katie's a wreck. How do I tell her – how do I tell her I let Kendall stay and be beaten by that guy while I ran away? That I let him get his face bashed in while I hid? I shouldn't have pulled over. I should have just driven faster, driven us to the next road or house. I _know_ better. "

"Logan." The officer had actually reached back and grasped his flailing free arm. "Stop." Logan froze then, frightened by his own behavior. The officer, Officer Foley, according to his nametag, made sure he had Logan's full, eye-on attention before he continued. "Listen. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen today. That was a crime of opportunity. Purely wrong place, wrong time. The guy acted on impulse. It was all circumstance, and you couldn't have foreseen it or taken precautions. As for you, pulling over to let a speeding driver pass was the smart thing to do. Taking Katie from the scene, hiding her and keeping her safe was the smart thing to do. Keeping your head while you called us was thesmart thing to do. You did everything right. "

Logan looked at Foley's forgiving face, struggling to believe him. The blue eyes meeting his were sincere, not mocking. But Logan couldn't look into them for long.

"You need to listen, Logan." Foley released his wrist. "If you had both been fighting against a man who, as you described him, could have overpowered both of you, what would have happened to Katie? I've seen this before, Logan. You and Kendall did the best you could for Katie. You did the right thing. And you saved her. Believe me on this."

Logan didn't answer but settled back in the seat, pulled the unresponsive Katie closer, and joined her in quietly letting his thoughts go where they chose.

* * *

><p>Logan couldn't fathom how it could possibly still be the same Saturday. It seemed like days, weeks, since he and Kendall had been goofing around.<p>

After Foley's lecture, they'd arrived at the hospital. He had carried Katie in, her arms painfully tight around his neck, and they'd been met by Mrs. Knight. Before Logan could open his mouth in apology, she had wrapped them both in her embrace, kissing Logan's cheek and repeating "thank you," into his ear. His stomach churned at her words.

"Anything?" he managed, and she shook her head, leading them to the Emergency waiting room. Katie transferred to her mother's lap as they settled into the worn-cushioned chairs, and was soon weeping again, earning Mrs. Knight's full attention. Logan looked on at the shushes and endearments, feeling uncomfortably like an intruder, but lost without a mooring of his own. The panic he'd been holding at bay had just started to surface when two strong hands on his shoulders stopped it cold. Carlos and James pulled him up and into a hug. Wordlessly he gripped the anchors they offered, and let the tears come.

A few minutes late James had guided him to a seat and Carlos was rubbing his back as he stuttered his way through the story. How Katie had hidden in the car, how the truck passed them and then come back. Pulling over. Being hit. Kendall jumping the guy. Running into the scrub and calling for help. Coming back and finding Kendall wrecked.

"I know they're waiting on CT scans and stuff." Logan was battling his way back to composure the best way he knew. "But he probably has bone fractures in his face. It's hard to tell, there's so much soft tissue swelling. It's possible his eye was damaged, either from a direct blow or from displacement and pressure. His nose was broken but that was just from the guy punching him, not from the…" There came that image again, the one that made him want to puke. Logan rested his face in his hands.

"From the what, Logan?" James asked quietly.

_Damn_. Logan shuddered, then slid his hands open and looked at the floor. He shot a quick glimpse sideways to make sure Katie was out of earshot.

"When Kendall stopped the guy from getting to Katie, and then we ran away, the police say the guy just snapped. He got so angry at Kendall, he, uh…" Logan rubbed his face, still staring at the carpet. This part was his fault. "They say he grabbed Kendall, probably by the hair, and he…" _Get it out, Mitchell._ "He smashed Kendall's face into the car. Probably a bunch of times. Before he dropped him. Just dropped him on the ground and took off."

Both boys gasped, and Carlos' hand froze mid circle. _Yeah_, Logan thought,_ I'd hate me too_. "Excuse me." He bolted from his seat to the men's room.

The guys allowed him to finish vomiting in privacy before they came in, flanking him on either side of the sink as he tried to drown the day in cold water.

"Logan," Carlos started tentatively, "I'm sorry you had to see that, bro."

Logan laughed bitterly, bracing his hands on the porcelain, watching the water drain. "That's just the thing, Carlitos. I didn't see it. I didn't see it, or stop it, because I was hiding in the bushes while Kendall was having the shit beat out of him."

"You didn't know," Carlos protested.

"I totally knew. I knew it before I left him. This guy was _twice his size_. He'd already punched him out once. I knew Kendall didn't have a chance when I _ran away_."

"Logan, you can't blame-"

"Myself?" Logan cut James off sharply. "You know, Kendall could have been dead. That guy could have killed him, right there. Any one of those hits could have done it. As it is, he might have brain damage. He might lose his eye. He might be scarred forever. I could have stopped it if I had stayed!" He stormed out of the bathroom and back to the waiting room.

Dropping into a corner seat, Logan curled in on himself and rocked, hands covering his face to create his own detached world. It was almost defiant, this reversion to a childhood habit. But in Loganland, he could be alone with his guilt. Because Foley was wrong. James was wrong. Carlos was wrong. Friends don't leave friends at the mercy of madmen. He heard shuffling and knew without looking that James and Carlos were at his side. Dogs indeed. So he was shocked when a smaller hand touched his, and a small, aching voice addressed him.

"Logan."

He stopped rocking and looked up into the red eyes of Katie Knight.

"You forgot some details," she said quietly, and he wanted to smile at the welcome trace of Katie obstinacy. "Like how Kendall _told_ you to run with me. To protect me. And how you hesitated, and how he screamed at you when you didn't go right away. And how you found a safe place for me to hide, and how you called for help. You both saved me, Logan. The cop even told you that in the car, that you did all the smart things. And Kendall's going to be OK."

"But when he hears you've been saying his plan was wrong, well, you know how he gets," James added.

"He'll kick your butt," Carlos happily detailed.

"And then I'd have to call you an idiot," Katie finished. She leaned into him and gave him a long, long hug. "Don't be an idiot, Logan," she whispered. "Because I love you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Don't own, just rent. Thanks for the reviews LittleMissOops, Tynan Neo Rune, just jay, squoctobird, katieswift (x2), child who is cool (x3), MarissaLeeC, Rockport268 (x 5!) and Glee Clue Rock 1251.**

Their small group clustered in the corner of the waiting room, arranged in a sort of human support chain across a chair and sofa. Katie shared a seat with Mrs. Knight, but her left hand was firmly tucked under Logan's right, both resting on the wooden sofa arm. To the left, Carlos had his arm around Logan's shoulders. James, on the far end, slouched fully against Carlos, his Cons hanging in space over the sofa. end. They flipped through the limited TV channels, watched fishing shows and shopping networks, made sporadic small talk, and tried not to look at the clock.

By the time Carlos and James had settled on the hospital's closed circuit lobby cam, escalating their bets from whether a man, woman or child would walk by next to whether they'd be carrying flowers or a gift to whether they would wave or pick their nose, Logan was ready to jump out of his skin. Someone had to come out soon to tell them something. Anything was better than the repeat loop of traumatic brain injuries his mind was playing in 3-D. Bloody Kendall: depressed skull fracture. Bloody Kendall: brain hemorrhage. Bloody Kendall: vegetative state...

Bolting from his seat, he snuck a look at the clock. The time might actually be nearing. And it might be better if Katie wasn't present.

"Logan?"

He threw the worried Carlos a small smile and a nod toward the youngest Knight. In an instant, both Carlos and James were on their feet, proclaiming themselves famished and in need of Katie's help to find every vending machine on the floor, or, even better, the hospital cafeteria and its promise of pudding.

"I didn't think they'd get her to go," Mrs. Knight admitted. They stood watching the mismatched trio walk away, Carlos and James with a tight grip on each of Katie's hands.

"Don't ever underestimate the Diamond charm," Logan answered. "Or the Garcia plead."

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes. "You think I haven't learned that?" Down the hallway, Katie clambered onto James' back. "She feels safe with them." Her voice thickened. "I know she's safe when she's with any of you."

Logan had to close his eyes against the sudden welling of tears, the earnest comment striking too close to his unsorted emotions. Katie was safe, Kendall had seen to it. Beyond that…

"She was amazing today," he choked out. "She's a great kid. I think she'll be OK, you know?"

"I think she will, too," Mrs. Knight agreed, still gazing where the three had disappeared.

"But I would, um, if I can say this?" Logan scrambled into the safety of doctor mode. "I would suggest maybe she sees a counselor. Just to get over the scary parts."

"Just the scary parts?"

"Yeah," said Logan quietly, eyes darting between his surrogate mom and the floor. "That would be… all of it."

"And what about you?" Her voice held more concern than he felt was warranted.

"Me?" He forced a smile. "I was already seen by Dr. Katie. Which reminds me, she should get checked out by a doctor, too. She was in the backseat, she probably has whiplash. And she might have hurt herself getting away from that guy."

He was sure he was about to be challenged with another "and what about you" when the door to treatment area swung open and a red-headed doctor asked for the family of Kendall Knight. Logan clasped Mama Knight's offered hand, and they passed through the door the physician held open, following him to a consultation room.

"I'm Dr. Meberg," the physician introduced himself, gesturing to two chairs. "I've been coordinating Kendall's treatment. You're Mrs. Knight? And you're…"

"Brother," Logan supplied. The doctor nodded.

"Mrs. Knight, from what I've heard, your son is very brave. And fortunately, he's also very lucky."

_Lucky?_ Logan wanted to cough "bullshit" into his hand. Kendall would have.

"Right now," the physician continued, and already his slow, placating tone made Logan want to scratch his own eyes out. "Kendall is stable. His breathing, his heart rate are both satisfactory. Now, as you know, he was beaten severely."

"_Oh my God, it's Mr. Rogers," _Logan's brain boiled as the man continued at a preschool pace. _"Hi neighbor. Let's talk about brain trauma. Can you spell trauma?"_

"Kendall sustained considerable trauma to his head and face, here," the physician pointed to his own eye and cheek, "and here."

Was this what Gustavo felt like on slow burn? Logan needed the man to stop miming and _tell them what the hell was wrong with Kendall_. One more second and he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions. Three. Two. One.

"What are the head injuries?"

Doctor Slow gave Logan a sharp look for interrupting his patter, but clearly got the message, dropping the drawl.

"We've run a number of tests, in addition to a physical exam. Kendall, as you might expect, has a fairly severe concussion. That's when the brain function is briefly interrupted-"

"Used to those," Mrs. Knight inserted flatly. "Hockey mom."

Red appearing relieved to be able to cut the coddling. "OK then. This time it goes beyond concussion. The CT shows a buildup of blood in Kendall's-"

_Shit no_. "Subdural or epidural?"

"Med student?"

"Some day."

Meberg nodded approvingly. "Epidural."

_Shit. Shit shit shit. _Mortality statistics started ringing in Logan's ears.

"Logan?" He could never keep a poker face, and Mrs. Knight was looking to him for an explanation. He shook his head and waved it off to the doc.

"Kendall has an epidural hematoma. There's bleeding in the skull." The doctor settled himself in front of them, eye to eye, and Logan swung from critical to appreciative of his reassuring technique. "On your arm, a 'hematoma' is a bruise. It swells, it looks ugly, it goes away. But trapped inside the skull, that blood takes up valuable space, increasing pressure in the cranium, and pushing against the brain tissue."

_Rapid bleeding. Rising pressure. Loss of blood supply. Tissue destruction. Twenty percent mortality. _

"I know this sounds frightening-"

_Ya think?_

"-but understand that because Kendall is receiving quick treatment, his prognosis is very-"

_Guarded._

-good."

_Good?_ "Really?" Logan's voice was a squeak but he couldn't bother to be embarrassed.

"Really."

"What is the treatment?" Mama Knight had not moved during the entire discourse, her eyes locked on the doctor, but now she gave Logan's hand a quick squeeze.

"The hematoma is fairly small, and we're hoping to resolve it non-surgically. We carefully monitor Kendall to make sure his intracranial pressure doesn't increase, and that there is no more bleeding. We're giving him several medications to assist in lowering the pressure. What we've also done, and this is what you need to know, is sedated him to give the medications a chance to work, and to prevent him from moving his head and possibly restarting the bleed. So when you see him, he will not be responsive to you. Please understand that this is intentional."

She nodded slowly. "How long will he be that way?"

"Twenty-four hours to begin with. His response will dictate what course we take from there."

Logan's admiration for their den mother soared as she nodded again and oh-so-calmly posed the bombshell question. "Do you think he will be all right?"

Meberg allowed himself a smile. "I think his chances are very good. His age is in his favor. Healing is tricky the older we get. I think he'll experience a long period of recovery where he will have headaches and fatigue. He's likely to be frustrated by that and probable amnesia regarding the events before and after the injury. But I am willing to bet that he will not have any serious long-term impairment." He rose to show them to Kendall. "As I said, he's lucky."

But God, he didn't look it.

The blood had been cleaned away from his face. Logan was glad Mrs. K hadn't seen that. He was also glad he had already vomited, or the endocrine rush that was weakening his knees would have emptied his stomach as he approached his friend. He had a clear look now at the huge swelling that was Kendall's right eye, black, blue, purple. The bruising continued in a trail below it, mottling his cheek to his jaw in the same color of ugly. To top it off, two parallel slashes in angry red ran from his forehead across his eye and cheek, twin lines that Logan knew would match up to the top of the car door, to the groove where the window rolled down. Underneath that butchered surface, there was a lineup of broken bones. Nose. Cheek. Orbital floor. They were likely, Meberg had informed them, to need surgical repair, but the surgeons couldn't be sure until the swelling went down. In any case they wouldn't consider it for some days.

"What about his eye?" Mrs. K was gently stroking Kendall's hair, seemingly unperturbed by the carnage. Could he lose his sight?"

_Someone needs to bottle the stuff that makes moms keep their cool in a crisis._

"I don't think so," the doctor answered. "There's no displacement or entrapment of orbital tissue."

"He means the eyeball didn't shift out of place when the socket was broken," Logan explained.

"That bodes well," Meberg continued, "but we can't give you a 100% guarantee of complete recovery until the swelling subsides. Truthfully between the swelling and the concussion, Kendall is likely to have double or blurred vision or even worse. Because we think it will resolve, we do not want him to worry about this."

_OK, because that's so easy not to worry about._ Just like the other little tidbit Meberg had not wanted them to worry about. The fact that, along with the multiple IVs, pulse oximeter, catheter and other paraphernalia, Kendall was intubated. _Yeah, just ignore that._ Logan could not put into words how much that visual disturbed him.

"It's not that he can't breathe," the doc assured them. "It's a standard precaution with a head injury like his. If his condition was to change suddenly, we'd all be real happy to already have that tube in place."

Huh yeah. In place. Hanging out of the corner of Kendall's mouth. Nicely arranged to not aggravate his split lip.

Logan stared to the point of not seeing. This was so unreal. This cannot have happened. Kendall Knight cannot be lying in front of him, face swollen, eyes closed, unresponsive, breathing regulated by a machine. It didn't matter how much he understood that it was an induced coma, how much medical logic explained the where's and why's. It didn't matter how many case studies he'd read. This was _Kendall_, and Kendall was never supposed to look like this. Once again weak-kneed, he slid into one of the chairs by the bed. Sooner or later the others were going to come back and see this. Katie. James. And if he felt this bad…_ Carlos is not going to take this well._

"It's all right."

Logan started at the voice. Looking up, he realized Meberg had departed and Mrs. Knight was speaking soft reassurances to Kendall.

"It'll all be all right." She leaned close to Kendall's ear, hand still rhythmically pushing back his bangs. "I'm so proud of you, Kendall." She kissed his forehead. "So proud. You saved your sister, you and Logan." She lifted Kendall's right hand, the wrist in a soft brace, and examined the cuts on his knuckles. "Look at you," she murmured, in the impressed voice one used on small children. "Looks like you got him a few times. You know, I wouldn't mind if it turned out you broke his nose back…" She was quiet for a second before she kissed his knuckles and laid his hand back down.

Logan closed his eyes to give her some privacy, all the while relishing how the motherly tones softened the sterile room.

"What you need to do now, honey, is rest. That's what's going to make you better. I know you don't like to sit still. And I know this breathing tube will give you fits, but you should be able to get it out tomorrow. I'll be here for that."

As he sunk into his seat, Logan agreed that Kendall had been onto something that morning. It was nice, he reflected, to have someone else to do the worrying.


	7. Chapter 7

Logan had known he was going to wake with a stiff neck. Sleeping on the couch had not helped his condition any, and he couldn't help groaning as he sat up and tried to stretch.

"Logie?" James' head popped up from the floor.

"Hey," Logan grimaced in greeting, rubbing the back of his neck. His head wanted no part of turning left or right.

"You ok?" James whispered.

Neither of them wanted to wake Carlos, who was dead asleep on the other section of couch. As Logan feared, he had taken Kendall's appearance the hardest, breaking down to the point that James had to take him from the room, and Mrs. Knight call Kelly to get them a ride. Logan hadn't witnessed this, but had been filled in by Mrs. K when she had gently woken him from his nap at Kendall's bedside to send him home with the other two. He'd been ready to protest, shaking off his grogginess, when a look in Kendall's direction made his heart rise for the first time that day. Katie had climbed onto the bed and was snuggled up against her brother, fast asleep. Following his gaze, Mama Knight placed her hands on his cheeks and kissed his forehead. "This is thank you," she smiled, "for making that possible. Now go home. Take care of poor Carlos and James. I'll call you."

Logan blushed as he recalled the moment. Carlos seemed to have cried himself out by the time the limo returned them to 2J, but he was still red-eyed and shaky. James made dinosaur chicken for all of them, and they gathered on the couch to talk a little more before they had started making phone calls. Jo. Camille. Their moms. Gustavo had called, sounding human, and Logan updated him as best he could. Kelly came by with a tray of sandwiches, and it took almost as long to settle her down as it had Carlos. The entire afternoon their phones buzzed and tweeted as word spread and friends asked for updates or sent well wishes. Camille stopped at the apartment, but only long enough to hug Logan and assure him that she'd take care of Jo, and that she had told the other Palm Woods residents to give them breathing room. Logan didn't think twice about kissing her, hard.

The afternoon was shading into evening when Mrs. Knight brought Katie home, reporting that everything looked the same and Kendall had been moved upstairs to the neurology ICU. She took time to give them all a hug before grabbing a sandwich and returning to the hospital. The three of them immediately wrapped Katie in their full attention, sitting her between them, waiting on her hand and foot, and watching her favorite movies until she dozed off and James carried her to bed.

After that it was Carlos in the center seat, needing to be reassured and distracted and entertained, although truthfully Logan knew they were all equally shaken and needed something stronger than thinking about kittens to regain their equilibrium. As the night dragged on, they decided by mute consent to forgo their beds and stay at couch central, phones within reach, each other within view.

"What time is it?"

James reached for his phone. "8 AM and – oh shit, there's a text from Mrs. K!"

Logan's heart jumped and he fumbled painfully for his own phone. How could they have slept through it? Had they missed news about Kendall? He and James read their message simultaneously and stared at each other.

They got him.

"Oh." Logan blinked, not quite sure what to think.

"This is great!" James jumped up and started for the kitchen. "I'm going to make pancakes!" he declared, squeezing Logan's shoulders as he passed behind him. Logan managed a strangled whimper at the enthusiastic shake.

"Oh, dude! My bad, I forgot." James hustled into the bathroom and returned with a bottle of Advil, a bottle of Tylenol, a pack of Midol and some Icy Hot, dumping them on the couch and darting back to the kitchen.

"James…"

"Just a mo." James returned with a glass of water, a glass of OJ and a glass of milk.

"James, I don't need all this."

"Oh snap. I forgot chocolate syrup."

"James! Stop. Please." Logan felt like he'd just kicked a puppy as he watched James turn and guiltily retrieve the milk and OJ from the table.

"I just want to make sure you're OK, Logie." His eyes turned serious and a little scared. "You are, aren't you? OK?"

If it was ever appropriate to "aww" your best friend, Logan would have done it then. "Yes, James," he assured. "I'm OK."

"Do you want tea? I can make tea," James offered eagerly.

"Tea would be nice," Logan smiled. "Thanks."

"All right!" James flashed that brilliant happy smile. "Tea and pancake time."

"For real?" Carlos popped his head up.

"Oh yeah," James affirmed. "They caught the guy, and we're celebrating."

"Yeeah!" Carlos went from 0 to 60, fist-pumping the air and jumping his way into the kitchen. "Can we make shapes?"

Logan mentally shook his head at his friends as he took his Advil. So they caught the guy. His first thought had been, why celebrate? It didn't change a damn thing for Kendall. But of course, it meant the guy couldn't grab Katie any more. Or any other Katies. And that was a good thing, because no one should have to have a day like they'd had yesterday. Before he could pursue his thoughts any further, Carlos had placed a plate of truly frightening-looking chocolate chip pancakes on the table for him, and James stood behind him beaming, holding a cup of tea. And Logan couldn't help it. He smiled. He laughed. And enjoyed a spectacularly bad breakfast.


	8. Chapter 8

**Forgot disclaimer last time – so not mine. But I did break Kendall again.**

**Thanks to Rockport268(x2), child who is cool (x2), MarissaLeeC, Glee Clue Rock 1251, Poet Emmanuelle, and Tanigi for the reviews, your observations are so encouraging.**

**Another really long chapter – thought this was going to be the end, but not quite. James uses particularly bad language, be warned. **

* * *

><p><em><strong>Teen Stars Combine Brains, Brawn to Save Girl from Kidnapping<strong>_

_One teen is hospitalized and a suspect is behind bars after a Saturday morning kidnapping attempt on Mulholland Drive._

_Teen singers Logan Mitchell, 17, and Kendall Knight, 16, of the band Big Time Rush, as well as Knight's younger sister, were travelling east on Mulholland when their car was intentionally struck and disabled by a pickup driven by Richard Leaf, 49. Police say Leaf attempted to forcibly remove the minor child from the backseat of the teens' convertible. While Knight fought off the assailant, allowing his sister to escape, Mitchell whisked the child to a safe hiding place in the nearby scrub and stood guard while calling authorities. _

_"Mr. Mitchell's ability to keep a clear head and provide specific details allowed our team to reach the scene ASAP, render vital aid, and later make a quick arrest of the suspect," said Officer Adam Foley, LAPD. _

_Knight initially held his own against Leaf but suffered serious head injuries when the 6' 5" attacker gained the upper hand on the 6' teen. Police estimate Leaf outweighed Knight by at least 50 pounds. _

_"We believe that once Mr. Leaf was thwarted and his target escaped the scene, he became enraged and took that anger out on Mr. Knight, beating him severely before fleeing," Foley said. _

_Knight, who has been hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center since the incident, is said to be in stable but serious condition. Mitchell and Knight's sister, whose name is being withheld, suffered whiplash from the accident but no further injuries. _

_"There is no question in my mind that these two boys, acting in tandem as they did, saved this child from being kidnapped," said Foley. "All three showed extreme bravery under great duress."_

_A spokeswoman for Rocque Records, which produces Big Time Rush, said band members and their families appreciate the love and support being shown by their fans. "The boys are like brothers," said Kelly Wainwright, including band members Carlos Garcia and James Diamond in her comment. "They've been with Kendall every day and ask everyone to continue to send good thoughts for his complete recovery." _

"It's so weird to read about you guys in a newspaper article. Like, about what happened to you."

"Carlos, you've been saying that for two days." Logan looked again at the article taped on the wall in Kendall's hospital room. He had read it enough times to his bedridden friend.

"I know! Because it's so _weird_!"

"What's weird," opined James, pawing through the latest box full of beanies, teddy bears, lucky charms, bracelets and other get-well gifts sent by fans, "is that no one has sent me anything."

"Duh, why would they send _you_ anything? Nothing _happened _to you," scoffed Carlos.

James responded with his own duh look. "Uh, because people _always_ send me things." He pointed both index fingers at his flawless face as though no other explanation was necessary. "And I deserve something for, you know, emotional pain."

"Here's your pain." Carlos winged a tie-dyed teddy bear at his band mate, catching him square in the face.

"Carlos!" James shrieked, clapping his hand over his right eye. "You little turd, you could have _blinded_ me!"

"Well, that's one way to get the rest of us more bathroom time in the morning."

"Guys," Logan attempted to intercede.

"That is so not cool," James pulled out his pocket mirror to examine his wound. "If I go blind it's your fault."

"Guys."

"If you go blind, I'm sure your fans will send you canes."

"Guys!" Why was he always the voice of non-idiocy?

"Oh, how about I send you an eye for an eye?" James whipped a green bunny at Carlos, who ducked it.

"Ha ha! You can't even see well enough to hit me!"

"GUYS!" Finally able to get their attention, Logan gave them the death-glare while making an exaggerated gesture toward Kendall's bed.

"Oh!" It was almost comic how quickly Carlos and James straightened up, eyes popping, covering their big mouths with their hands.

"Yeah 'oh', you imbeciles!" Logan fumed. "Let's see, we have a best friend who doesn't know if he'll get his full vision back, so let's go to his hospital room and make blind jokes!"

"We're sorry!" James looked traumatized. Carlos looked like he was ready to cry again.

"S'alrigh, Logie. M'not blin'."

"Kendall!" Carlos bounded to the bedside. "You're awake!"

Carlos had had the same effusive reaction the first time they'd seen Kendall conscious. And the second time. And the third, making Logan wonder if Kendall would hear that greeting every time he opened his eyes for the rest of his life. He concluded it wouldn't bother him in the least.

"Hard d'sleep t'rou da grea' fuzzy war."

"Sorry," James grinned.

"S'alrigh."

"How are you doing today, Kens?"

"Whachoo thin'?"

"I think," Logan looked his friend over carefully, "I think the swelling has gone down since yesterday."

"Yeah but the colors have gotten a lot grosser," Carlos pointed out. "Like, yellows. And green."

"Than's, Carlos."

"Don't mention it."

"I also think everything still hurts pretty good, because it's still hard for you to move your mouth and talk without aggravating the injuries." Logan tilted his head. "So you know what, genius? _Don't talk so much._"

The left side of Kendall's mouth turned up in a smirk, and he tried for a classic retaliation.

"Oh please, that is a seriously pathetic attempt at sticking your tongue out."

Kendall flipped him the bird.

"Yeah, nice way to treat your consulting physician. If I may continue, I can also see it's uncomfortable for you to keep your eye, or eyes, open. So you know what?"

"Close 'em!" James sing-songed.

"Bossy," Kendall grumbled, but he closed his left eye.

"But not mean," James pointed out. "Because we brought more things to read to you. Pop Tiger, Hockey News…"

"Oh! Oh!" Carlos jumped in place. "We have to tell him about the guy, and the car!"

"Logan firs'," Kendall requested. "Surjry?"

The earnestness of the question surprised him. "Kendall, you have, like, eight doctors working on you. Why do you need to hear it from me?"

Kendall half-frowned. "_Trus'_ you."

Logan caught his breath. Kendall voiced his answer so matter-of-factly, so without reserve, that Logan was struck silent with the understanding that his friend's trust had never wavered. Not through the incident, nor through the days following as they recounted the painful details. Only Logan, in his own anxiety, had imagined begging for conditional forgiveness. Only Logan had structured the sentence as "I _still_ trust you." Kendall had never considered it to be in question. _God, he needed to be a better friend._

"Loags?" Kendall's painful speech called him back. "Surjry?"

"Yeah." Logan cleared his throat. "Kens, I think you're gonna need surgery on your facial bones. And I think they're gonna want to do it on Monday."

"Grea'." Kendall slumped.

"Hey, I know it's not what you want, but it's the best way to put Humpty Dumpty together again."

"Lil tire' a bein' here."

"Which is why, when you get out, we're going to throw you the biggest Welcome Home Party _ev_-er!" James and Carlos fist bumped.

"Ah, the Hollwoo' party kin's."

"Of Hollywood!" they chorused.

"But Bitters is in on it this time," said James.

"And so are Gustavo and Kelly," added Carlos.

"And Griffin. By the way, sweet room."

"Yeah, I can't believe he sprung for a private." Carlos bounced on the sofa.

"Protec'in' his invesmen'.

"Whatev," James shrugged. "You ready to hear today's notes and letters?"

"Brin' em."

Kendall settled back and James and Carlos took turns reading the cards and notes from fans that accompanied the daily deliver of flowers and gifts. What had started as a trickle on Sunday had quickly become a flood as the story went public. Mrs. Knight and Katie had taken on the task of writing back to the senders. The stuffed toys and flower arrangements were redistributed to other patients in the hospital, unless the band found something that stood out, or that they thought Kendall should keep. Like the hockey bear with the Minnesota jersey. The beautiful hand-knit green beanie. And flower arrangements from Griffin, Gustavo and Kelly, Jordin Sparks, Kat's Crew, and the gang at the Palm Woods. Fabio's pork chops, however well intentioned, had not made the cut.

"Hey," Carlos opened a bright pink envelope. "This girl sent a news clipping. '**Fans show support for injured teen star' **Oh, I guess she's mentioned in it. 'Calla Marie Clarke, 14, was among those camped outside of UCLA Medical Center, sending good wishes to laid-up pop star Kendall Knight.' That's so sweet."

"They still ou' there?"

"Oh yeah." Carlos hefted up a paper bag filled with more cards, flowers and notes, and dumped it on the bed. "They sent these."

"We waved to them all and chatted with a few on the way in. Took a few pho-tos." James made his Face face.

"Tha's no' gonna be my job for 'while."

Logan jumped in, ever on alert for morose Kendall. "Hey, no worries, my friend. These hot shots who are doing your surgery? You'll be good as new. Eye's gonna be fine, cheek's gonna be fine. When they're done, _you'll_ be The Face."

"I can' wor' for a while, you guys."

"We know." Carlos gently patted Kendall's arm. "The three of us are going to do some appearances. Radio stations, webstreams. Probably mostly answer questions about how awesome you are. And ChildFind wants us to do some work with them, you know, on kidnapping prevention? Now that you and Logan are superheroes."

"Carlos, you wan' my suberpowers?"

"I'm working on mine," Carlos demurred. "Got some coming along."

"Anyway, your superheroism? Has made you famous. You've done your PR for a few months. But next time," James' expression sobered, "try something easier. Save Lucky in the pool or something."

"Hear ya. An' I'n sorry abou' the car."

"The car! Logan, tell him!"

"This is pretty cool," Logan allowed. "There's a car restoration guy who read or heard somewhere about the GTO, that it was a classic. He's volunteering to restore it, for free. If he can't, he says he'll find us another one."

"Isn't that awesome?" Carlos crowed. "Because I get my license next!"

"Peobl are kin'a amazin', huh? This guy, the fans."

"Always surprising us," Logan agreed.

"You know what else is amazing?" Carlos had his brow furrowed, reading a newly-sent copy of the same old newspaper article.

"What could you possibly find in that article that you haven't read before?"

"You, Logie. I never realized what the officer said about you."

"What?" James grabbed the article.

"You didn't panic." Carlos beamed at him and Logan felt his cheeks go red. "He said you showed a cool head, and later he said you were under great duress. That means you didn't panic under pressure. That's awesome, dude."

"Yeah, well." Hell, what was he supposed to say? This hero thing was daunting. And now he'd be under pressure to not fall apart under pressure. "The credit goes to Kendall and Katie. They wouldn't let me panic."

"Souns li' bullshit t'me."

"Talk to me when you get your memory back. Katie was kick-ass brave. _She_ went running back for you."

Kendall winced. "How's she, guys?"

"Better, I think," James reported. "Been seeing a counselor. Staying busy."

"She's talking to your mom a lot," Logan added, hoping to set his friend's mind at ease. "They say that eventually the memory will fade, and the fear will fade with it."

Kendall's emotions, usually so easy to read on his malleable face, were harder to track through closed eyes and disabled expressions. So none of them were prepared when he exploded, whipping a fan's CD across the room to crash against the bathroom door.

"Why couldn't _she_ be the one to forget it, instead of me?"

"Kendall, shit, your IV." Logan moved quickly to grab Kendall's left wrist, checking to find the IV still securely anchored on the back of his hand.

"Who cares?" Kendall snapped, covering his face with his casted right hand.

A nurse loomed in the doorway. "Is there a problem in here?"

"Crazy fan!" James blocked her progress. "Threw a CD in here then ran away! Sure startled _us_!"

"Went that way," Carlos pointed out the door.

"Mr. Knight, are you all right?" the nurse called from between their shoulders.

"Shhhh!" Logan hissed, taking a few steps toward her. "I _just_ got him settled down."

"Is there anything-"

"I will **call** you if I **need** you," Logan summoned his best dismissive doctor voice.

"Ooh, don't cross him." Carlos walked the nurse out into the hallway. "But seriously? There was a fan up here recklessly throwing gifts and running in the hall. I'd get security…"

Logan turned back to Kendall, gently prying his arm away from his pain-creased face. "Kendall, deep breaths, man. Come on." Tears leaked down his patient's face and he gave an involuntary whimper as they laid him back on his pillows. "Yeah," Logan sympathized, "not your smartest move."

James shifted the pillows and grabbed an extra for Kendall's wrist. "This OK, bro?" Kendall nodded slowly, still trying to take control of his breathing. James looked anxiously at Logan. Carlos returned and silently grabbed James' arm.

"Kendall, do you need some more pain meds? You want us to get the nurse?" Kendall gave the slightest head shake, body shuddering. "OK." Logan fell back to the soothing tone he'd used at the accident. "OK." He gently rubbed Kendall's shoulder. "Deep breaths."

"Sucks," Kendall managed, and fresh tears slid from his closed eyes.

_God yes it does. All the way around._

"It's OK, Kendall." Carlos reached for Kendall's right hand, and gently held his fingers.

"She's a kid. Shou'n hav'a deal…any a this." His strained voice cracked and he wept in earnest.

"Oh, Kendall." James reached out to stroke that trademark blonde mop, and they all kept their contact as their friend let himself go. "She's going to be OK, Kendall, I know she is."

"She already had it together enough to straighten my head out," Logan offered.

"And she's got all of us to watch out for her." Carlos' voice cracked as well. "It'll all be OK, Kendall. Promise."

"She loves you, Kendall. You have to know you're her fucking hero." Tears swam dangerously in James' eyes. "You saved her, man."

Kendall didn't answer. The three of them stood in place, eyes darting helplessly at each other at the bitterness and pain they could feel rolling off their friend. Logan's eyes burned as he was reminded all too clearly of his own guilt, and his grief for his friend. But Kendall? For the second time that week, he couldn't reconcile the Kendall in front of him with the Kendall he knew. What else did he think he could he have done? What else could he expect of himself?

Silently the three of them chased their own thoughts as they continued to rub Kendall's shoulders, clasp his fingers, rub his arms. Logan thought Kendall had gone back to sleep until the IV'd hand reached out for his shirt sleeve.

"Logie," he whispered. "I think I'll take those pain meds now."


	9. Chapter 9

"I wanna kill him."

Carlos, Logan knew, was 100 percent serious, his jaw tight and his voice dangerous.

"I wanna go wherever they've got him, and just, _umf_!" He slammed the elevator button hard enough to light up half the floor numbers.

"Give him to Freight Train," James growled. "See how he likes being the smaller one."

"Are you saying I couldn't do it?" Carlos whirled around angrily in the small space and Logan took a step back. " 'Cause I could take him _right now, _James!"

"I know you could, Carlos," James soothed, hands raised to placate. "I know you could."

Carlos scowled back and forth between his friends, tough-guy eyes daring them to disagree, to _just give him a reason._ But neither one was going to dissuade him. Logan certainly wasn't going to tell him to calm down. Not when he wanted to put his fist through something, too. Not after what they had witnessed in Kendall's room.

"That wasn't him!" Carlos spun away and Logan knew he was near tears. "Kendall, he doesn't – it's all that guy's fault! That sick guy!" Logan winced as the elevator wall absorbed another blow. "Because that _wasn't_ Kendall." The doors opened to the hospital basement level, and the three of them trailed down a long hallway to the exit where their ride would be waiting, away from fans or photographers. "It _wasn't_," Carlos repeated as they pushed out into the evening.

It wasn't. That wasn't their Kendall. Not that Kendall never got upset, never got hurt, never had his bad days. Not that any of them pretended to understand the pain he was in, how miserable he must feel, how unsettling the prospect of surgery must be. But for all the physical or emotional hurt Logan had ever seen Kendall shoulder – and from broken bones to broken home, Kendall had had his share - he had always maintained a sense of strength. Defiance, even. Maybe it was what Gustavo called his "fire." Because even frustrated and in tears, Kendall was never defeated. Kendall was never the one to curl up and cry. Kendall would never ask for medication he knew would put him to sleep.

Logan gnawed at his thumbnail, a sick feeling growing in his stomach. That wasn't Kendall. And he didn't know how to fix him.

"_Logan_." James' shove knocked his elbow against the car window and made his seatbelt pull tight.

"Ow. What the hell, James?"

"Pay attention."

"To what?"

James rolled his eyes. "I said we're going to make Kendall _back_ into Kendall."

Logan was in no mood for James' innocent idiocy. "Oh! Great! Just *_poof_* make Kendall back into Kendall," he snarked. "_Brilliant_ idea, James. Should I call Kelly now to book us studio time?"

Carlos loosed his last pent-up punch on Logan's arm and angled toward James. "I smell plan?" he asked hopefully.

James nodded like a bobblehead. "If I stopped acting like me, and instead acted like someone a _whole lot_ less awesome, what would you do?"

"Not die in a cloud of toxic hair product? _Ow, _Carlos!" Logan rubbed his elbowed ribs.

But Carlos was now pointing at James, his face a vision of enlightenment as he snapped his fingers. "Fix you!"

"Yes!" James smiled happily, folding his arms. They both turned their satisfied grins on Logan.

_Unreal_.

"That's _it_? That's your 'plan'? You think you can say 'Fix Kendall' and it's done? I hate to tell you but this is a _little_ more complicated than shocking you with a Lita Ford power chord!"

James was immediately in his face. "I don't hear you coming up with any genius ideas!"

Well, duh. This was medicine. He needed his books, his laptop. "I will once I do some research!"

"You don't need to 'research' Kendall." James' pitch spiked to his most frustrated squeak and now his hands were flailing. "We _know_ Kendall. And we know Kendall's _not_ Kendall." He punctuated his last three words with his index finger. "Now, when I wasn't me," he grimaced and lowered his voice, "- _not that we like to bring that up_ - why wasn't I me?"

"Because Logan had your swagger!" Carlos supplied eagerly. "But, we don't have Kendall's swagger."

"But _we_ can supply it for him." James was all business now and despite the ridiculousness of his proposal, Logan found himself swept along. Anything seemed worth grabbing on to at this point. "Logan, what gave you swagger?"

"Well, "Logan pulled out his phone, "my app -"

It was James' turn to look like he wanted to hit something, namely Logan. "No," he said slowly, "the app told you what to do to _get_ swagger. What _gave_ you swagger?"

"Uh, head tilt? Sunglasses? Uncomfortably tight pants?" Logan's voice rose an octave at the memory.

"Yes!" James sat back triumphantly. Logan was too puzzled to even try to ask for clarification.

"So, I smell plan?" Carlos asked again.

"You do indeed, Carlitos." James leaned forward, tying a purple bandana around his forehead. "But first you smell _shopping_."

* * *

><p>Katie jumped them the second they set foot into 2J, nearly knocking Carlos off his feet. "How's Kendall?"<p>

James set down his shopping bag and scooped her up over his shoulder, carrying her into the living room.

"How's Kendall?" she continued, undeterred. "Stupid doctors won't let me go to the hospital today! They say I'm 'susceptible to illness'." The venom in her air quotes was diluted by her upside-down position. "It's so totally not fair. Carlos, how's Kendall?"

"Tall," Carlos twisted his head to address her face to face. "Annoying. Smelly."

"He looks a lot better." James gently flipped Katie onto the orange couch and accepted the game controller she handed him.

"Does he?" Mrs. Knight finished fitting a casserole into the fridge and straightened up.

"The swelling is down some," Logan confirmed, hesitating by the kitchen counter. "It would probably go down more if he listened to medical advice and stopped talking. And moving."

_And crying._

"Really? Well, I'm looking forward to seeing this active Kendall." She reached for a foil-covered plate. "That tells me he's feeling better."

"Um, yeah… In fact he's so active he wants you to bring a few things from his room."

Carlos swept into the kitchen, taking the plate from Mrs. Knight. "Mmm, more people sent over food? Who's this from?"

"Oh, I'm not even sure, there've been so many." She smiled but it was tired.

Carlos carefully peeled back the foil on his plate. "Egg rolls, sweet! I'll take care of this for you." He sampled a mouthful while nodding purposefully at Logan. "You guys go get 'at 'uff. Hey 'ames, 'ook!"

Any notion Logan had of playing the strong, comforting bringer of difficult news vanished once Mrs. K stepped inside his and Kendall's room.

"So," she turned, partially closing the door, "what is it, Logan? Am I bringing Kendall some things from his room tonight?"

"Actually." His entire speech flew out of his head. He knew he should have made notes. "Uh."

She placed her hands on her hips, fixing him with a not unsympathetic look that nonetheless said '_out with it_'. "Just tell me, honey."

"I, uh," he looked guiltily at his sneakers, "I'm not sure if he's going to be that with it when you see him. He got really upset this afternoon. He might, maybe, be sedated? Or at least on more pain meds."

"Oh, Kendall." Mrs. Knight sighed, shaking her head as she took a seat on her son's bed.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. K!" Logan blurted. Why had he behaved so stupidly? "We just, you know, thought we could cheer him up, and we were talking, and he was talking, even though he wasn't _supposed_ to be talking, and I told him not to, but we were looking at teddy bears and bracelets and talking about interviews and fans and it seemed OK." Logan paced the room as he related what had happened, interrupting his own narrative with stops, starts, and constant apologies for their – for_ his_ - thoughtless behavior. Butting his head against the wall between their desks, he groaned. "It would have been better if you'd been there instead of us." He pressed his forehead harder against the surface. "You wouldn't have said something stupid to set him off, and he wouldn't have needed the meds." He could feel grooves from thumbtacks and poster edges etching into his skin as he rolled against them, left to right, right to left. "The guys want to go back tomorrow and bring him stuff… but I think maybe we shouldn't go see him again just yet."

He'd lived with Mrs. Knight long enough that he should have expected her reaction, but it still surprised him when she tapped his shoulder and drew him into a hug. She released him quickly. He appreciated that she knew his boundaries.

"Logan." She stepped back and briefly held his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Stop apologizing. You boys didn't cause this. If anything, you helped him start to work it out. "

For about the millionth time that day, Logan was confused.

"Come on," she prompted. "You're the future doctor. You know all of you have had to deal with your feelings about this."

He nodded dumbly.

"Kendall's been too sick to think about what happened, and what nearly happened. He didn't have the chance to throw it all up last week." Logan blushed and she laughed. "It wasn't just you. Believe me. We all made contributions to the porcelain god. Did Kendall…?"

"Puke? No. He just yelled, and threw things. And, uh, cried." Logan swallowed and starting shifting papers on his desk. He'd told her. The conversation needed to be over. "So I guess you should really go see him now." _Please go see him now._ _I'm fine here._ _All's well._

"Hey." She wasn't going anywhere. "I'm sorry it frightened you. But I'm very glad you were there, all three of you."

Logan ceased arranging pencils by length. "But we made him - we upset him."

"No you didn't. His best friends being with him made him feel secure enough to admit he's hurting. You know, he's got his hands full, lying to doctors and nurses and counselors and sometimes me. It's good that he let his guard down for you."

Logan rolled a pencil across the desk with the flat of his hand. Fingertips to palm. Palm to fingertips. Repeat. "I've never seen him like that. Ever."

"Well, a scared Kendall is a rare thing."

Logan looked up sharply. "Kendall's never scared."

Mrs. Knight smiled ruefully. "He does put up a good front. Do you know he's worked to not show fear since he was seven?" She gazed at the photos Kendall had tacked up over his desk. His favorite showed him on the ice in uniform, skating with Katie perched on his shoulder. "Really worked at it, until it became how he is. So I've had to learn to read the signs. And right now, he's scared because he can't protect Katie from the big bad world."

"But," Logan started.

"Oh, he protected her that day, you both did, but he can't protect her from knowing what's out there. From growing up." She shrugged. "It's how a parent feels every day, and Kendall has always taken on that role with Katie." She traced the hockey photo with her fingertip.

"But he's frightened for himself, too, and he'll try not to let us see. He's scared about his future. The surgery. Whether his sight will be ok. Or his face. Whether he'll regain his memory in time for the trial. Whether he'll be able to be in the band again."

"What?" Kendall wouldn't think that. It would take time, but of course he'd be in the band. He was the band. "Of course he'll be in the band!"

"And that, Logan Mitchell, is why he needs you back in his room tomorrow. You can tell him that and he'll believe you. Of course, you might have to tell him over and over. "

Logan laughed at the reference to Kendall's bullheadedness. "I still think he'd rather see you than us tonight."

"You might be right." Mrs. K leaned against the desk and folded her arms. "Even brave young men can use their moms when they're feeling vulnerable. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Logan smiled. "I guess I do."

"Good." She clapped her hands together. "Then you'll be glad to know your mom is flying in on Friday."

"What! No!" No way, not his mom. She'd smother and hug. "No, I told her-"

"I know what you told her." No-nonsense Mama K was back. "And she has given you lots of space, Logan. Believe me when I tell you how hard that was for her. Now that the immediate crisis is over, she's coming to hug her boy and make sure he's all right. "

He tried to sputter a response but he'd walked right into it.

"No one else will see it, Logan." She wagged a finger at him. "But you _will_ let her hold you. She was scared to death and needs that reassurance. Trust me on this. Oh, and then you'll be seeing a counselor."

"A counselor!" This was too much. He was being completely backed into a corner, and Kendall was the one who was hurt. "I don't need a counselor!"

"What kind of doctor goes against his own medical advice?" She countered. "You saw Katie needed counseling, and you're right. It's time to start Kendall, now that he's feeling well enough to think about what happened. Let yourself have that help too, Logan. I want all of my kids back healthy."

Feeling thoroughly had, Logan gave it one last try. "Mrs. Knight, I'm all right. I don't need counseling."

She smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "You're amazing, Logan, you truly are. But you don't mess with moms." She started out of the room. "There's plenty to eat in the kitchen. Katie is staying home with you because her doctors think her immune system is stressed and the hospital isn't good for her today. Maybe you could help her make a video greeting for Kendall. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hug the stuffing out of my son."

"Mrs. Knight?"

She stopped at the door, looking back expectantly.

"He tried to protect you, too. The morning we went out." His throat was swelling and starting to ache and damn, was he going to cry all the time now? "He didn't want you to know we were out driving in the car. He didn't want you to worry more than you already would. "

"Kendall." She leaned her head against the door jamb and this time she looked like she might cry. But the moment passed and she straightened up. "Thank you, Logan," she smiled. "You get some rest tonight. He'll need you tomorrow."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading, sorry it has been a long time. Combination of being very busy, struggling with this chapter, (Mama K would not let me go forward without her, or the story would have been finished by now) and being completely capitvated by youngeratheart's stories. You ever read stuff so good it makes you wonder what you're doing writing? Yeah. Thanks to Glee Clue Rock 1251 for reminding me that I needed to post. And for Hez for helping me do it. <strong>

** So, worth the effort? **


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to anyone still reading, and my apologies. Not my intent to leave this languishing. And I don't own BTR. Hope to finish soon. Alsp hope this isn't too much of the same, but it's where the boys took me. **

"…But Logan, why is he still sleeping all the time? I thought he was getting better. He doesn't _seem_ like he's getting better." Carlos ripped a strip of hockey tape with his teeth.

"_Shhh_." It was a kneejerk reaction, the first thing Logan could think to answer. And completely unnecessary. After all, it wasn't as though Kendall was showing any signs that they were disturbing him. More like Logan needed to shush Carlos's question. He'd been stewing over the same thoughts and didn't particularly need to hear them voiced. "Sleeping's typical after trauma," he recited. "It's how the body heals. Plus, the antiseizure medication makes him sleepy. "

"Oh…" Carlos looked up from where he was wrapping the bottom of Kendall's IV pole in alternating yellow and maroon tape, eying the plastic bags hanging overhead before quickly dropping his gaze back to his work. "I forgot they were giving him that," he said softly.

"Hey, it's just a precaution." Logan leaned a hand on Carlos's shoulder as he reached over him to pluck Kendall's hockey jersey from the foot of his bed. It _was_ just a precaution, standard for the first week after a brain injury. Kendall wasn't going to have seizures.

He sure was out of it, though.

He hadn't stirred once, not even when Carlos had tripped and knocked the tray table against the bedrail. Logan wondered whether he was still on some sedatives after the incident the evening before. Or maybe he was sick - he could have easily developed an infection in the gashes on his face, although they didn't appear any worse and he was on antibiotics to ward against that possibility. Still, he could have staph – it happened all the time in hospitals. Sepsis could be spreading through his blood right now and Logan wouldn't be able to see that.

He entertained another dozen increasingly extreme and unlikely medical explanations for Kendall's somnolence, his mind leaping further and further to connect the widespread dots. Anything to distract him from the one thought that gnawed at his stomach: that the whole "waking up and dealing with what happened" thing yesterday had so gutted Kendall emotionally, it had led to a physiological reaction in which he didn't want to be awake. Especially if they were there. In which case, if he _did_ wake up, they shouldn't be there. They should so not be there.

"Logan!" And yes, he might have actually jumped at the voice. "Stop staring at Kendall and help out. Do you think this is centered?" James was balancing Kendall's hockey stick behind the sharps container on the wall.

"Uh," Logan leapt at the physics lifeline. Concrete. Definite. "Technically it can't be centered _and_ be balanced, because the blade end of the stick has more weight. So, it's as centered as it can be."

A snort came from behind him. "I though only James was as centered as can be."

_And, cue offended James. _

"You _know_- OK, first of all, the term is _self_-centered-"

"You said it!" Carlos cackled.

"Shut up," James pouted, batting away a yellow tape ball aimed at his head.

"Here, James," Logan interceded with action. "Hang the jersey next to it."

They'd brought Kendall's all-star jersey, figuring the Big Time Rush poster they'd already hung by the door represented their group dynamic well enough. Most of the rest of James's decorating scheme was already in place. One of Kendall's thousand pairs of Vans was on the floor by the bed. A red lava lamp sat on the table by the window. James said it was to represent Kendall's fire, and he and Carlos had fought in Spencer's over the merits of the lamp versus the fluttering fake flame. Carlos had correctly pointed out that lava was lumpy and sluggish and wet and not at all a flame, but James overruled, declaring the lava lamp much cooler and more interesting to look at and not made of polyester. When Logan had asked why they couldn't just use the lava lamp from 2J, James declared that he was missing the purpose of the entire shopping excursion, and huffed off to flirt with the sales clerk. Carlos had taken that opportunity to grab the polyester fake flame, and it now flickered cheesily on the windowsill.

Petty arguments aside, Logan had to admit that James's idea to bring the essence of Kendall to Kendall certainly made for a better looking hospital room. At least, it made the three of them a little more comfortable. Logan tacked up a Wild poster on the bathroom door. Carlos hung a tiny wind chime made of hockey pucks on the IV hook. James carefully placed a pink smoothie on the tray table, and they were done. He put his hands on his hips with the air of a man expecting applause.

Kendall, unimpressed, slept on.

"You're _sure_ he's getting better?" The three of them stood uselessly around the bed.

"Yeah I'm sure, Carlos." Logan's eyes flickered over the remaining equipment. There wasn't much to go by, really. Two IV bags, and a pulse oximeter on Kendall's finger that read normal. Logan knew the lack of monitors was encouraging. It meant the docs thought everything seemed normal. _Everything except what had happened to them. Everything except what was, or wasn't, going on in Kendall's head._ "It's just going to take him a long time to recover."

"Do you think when he wakes up he's going to throw things again?"

"I don't know," Logan answered honestly.

"Of course he won't," James overrode, a little too loudly. "He's done with that. And we've done all this work to remind him that he's _Kendall_, and _Kendall_ doesn't act like that, and Kendall would not throw things his best friend purchased for him and Kendall _had better not even think about throwing the lava lamp_."

"Or Flamey."

"Flamey?'" James seemed to notice Carlos's forbidden purchase for the first time. "Really? Well, I happened to think 'Flamey' is begging to be thrown."

"Try it," Carlos growled, blocking James's path to the window.

"Hey," Logan interrupted, digging into the day's delivery of fan gifts. "How about we provide him with a safe throwing arsenal? You know," he shrugged, "just in case." Pulling out a haul of small bears and bunnies, he started tucking them within Kendall's reach. James and Carlos grinned dangerously and within minutes their oblivious band mate was completely surrounded by, and largely covered with, stuffed toys. A yellow lion dangled its paws over his forehead. Twin dolphins curved behind each ear. A tiny seal sat on his chest, ready to give a kiss.

"Hope it hasn't had fish recently," Logan commented.

"Hope it has." James pushed it closer to Kendall's face and took a photo on his phone.

Carlos reached into the delivery box and pulled out a fresh collection of friendship bracelets. "Check it."

"Excellent!" James reached for a pair and, looping them together, started tying them over Kendall's wrist cast. Carlos attended Kendall's left hand, carefully avoiding the IV.

Logan was watching James fumble to tie the tiny threads into knots when the hospital room abruptly disappeared. His lungs seized up as he saw again the dirt shoulder of Mulholland Drive, saw Kendall laid out unconscious, saw emergency workers moving quickly, wielding scissors and felt again his own inability to speak out, to stop them…

"Logie?" He heard Carlos, worried. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Logan blinked a few times and found his lungs could fill again. "Yeah. This…" he waved weakly at his two friends attending his third, "it just reminded me. They had to cut his bracelets off, at the accident. Because his wrist was so swollen." He'd been so wound up about the stupid bracelets. Hadn't known if Kendall was going to live or die, but he'd freaked over the EMTs cutting up pieces of colored string.

"Oh." Carlos rolled his remaining bracelet between his fingers, as though trying to decide if string bracelets were now evil.

"Well it's a good thing he got all these new ones," James declared, purposely glossing over Logan's discomfort. Or completely oblivious. Logan was grateful, either way. "Now," he stepped back with a flourish, "he almost looks like Kendall."

Carlos laughed. "He looks ridiculous!"

"My point exactly."

"Shu'up, Diamon'."

"Kendall!" Carlos leapt the six inches closer to the bed and Logan wasn't far behind. "You're awake!"

"Guesso." Kendall didn't open his eyes but shifted slightly, frowning as his fingers found his new bed buddies. "What'jou idio's do?"

"What, you don't like your new wubbies?"

Logan assessed while James teased. _Kendall didn't seem upset they were there. He was happily calling them idiots. But he wasn't opening his eyes. Wasn't even trying. _

"Ass'ole," Kendall grumbled, feeling along with both hands now and slowly picking the fuzzy zoo off his chest and shoulders.

_He was slurring pretty badly, too. But seemed to be in a fairly good mood. _

"We put them there so you can throw stuff without breaking things next time," Carlos chirped. "You know, in case you freak out again."

"_Carlos!_" Logan and James shouted together. Logan resisted the urge to smack his friend, attention diverted as Kendall froze, a purple giraffe dangling from his left fingers. _Don't freak, don't freak, please don't freak. _

"That true, Carlos?" Kendall asked quietly. Logan was quite certain that no one in the room was breathing.

"Uh… yes?"

_Thwack._ The giraffe whipped through the air and scored a direct hit on Carlos's nose. There was a split second of collective gasps and Logan literally squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating the explosion of-

Tapping?

Logan squinted through one eye. Kendall was drumming his fingertips on the bedrail. "So," he queried the air, "it work?"

James burst out laughing. "You dick!" It took Logan a stunned minute before he joined in.

"Oh ho!" Carlos tapped his helmet. "Oh, when you get outta that bed, it is so on."

" 'm shakin'," Kendall retorted. "I jus bea' you layin' down, one-han'ed, _with my eyes close'_."

"You're owned, Carlitos."

"We'll settle this later," Carlos promised. "But can I keep the giraffe?"

"Carlos, give the giraffe back to Kendall," James commanded.

"I didn't ask you," Carlos protested, hiding the giraffe away from James.

"Why are your eyes closed?" Logan asked, as the other two scuffled.

"Tire'." Kendall admitted. "Docs in this morn', pokin'. Eyedro's. Assesmen's."

"How's the vision?"

"S'nah too bad. Kin'a blurry. Won' know 'bou' th' other eye til' af'er."

"The surgery? " Logan guessed. "They poking at the fractures, too?"

"Yeah. Kin'a sore. Buh," he shifted his position more upright "soun's li'e I shoul' see 'is." He carefully opened his left eye in time to see Carlos grab for James's hair and come up empty. "Cuz this 's ne'er nah funny."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Except when it's the twentieth time today. You know the children don't do well in enclosed spaces. Boyyyys," he instructed, "give Mr. Logan the toy before you both end up in the time-out corner."

"How's that fair?" Carlos complained, clearly losing the battle to keep his prize safe from James's much longer arms. "Kendall!"

"You c'n have ih. James, le' him have ih."

"James, you heard him!" Carlos was laughing and complaining while trying to keep his balance. "James! Aw, man, no!" James forced Carlos's arm behind his back and was trying to shake the giraffe loose. Carlos, for his part, was performing amazing contortions in attempt to free himself, but was being steadily forced to one knee by the pressure James was exerting. He swiped a leg at James but missed. "No!" he cried in mock desperation. "Purple giraffey!"

"It shall be mine!" James had Carlos locked in a no-win grip.

"No!"

"Let me have it!"

How James, laughing as hard as he was, could still keep his grip on Carlos's wrist, Logan didn't know. He wiped at his own laugh tears. "Don't break him, James."

"Yeah, don't break me James - OK, _ow_, ok, ok…" Carlos capitulated.

"Stop."

Laughing at the comic surrender, Logan almost missed Kendall's first, whispered request, but there was no missing the second.

"_Stop_!"

"Kens?" In an instant the three of them were at the bedside.

Kendall was pressed back against the pillows, clutching his broken wrist to his chest. His entire body was trembling and he was wheezing like he'd just come off a double shift at center.

"Kendall?" Carlos reached for a shaking shoulder. "Kendall?"

" 'm here," Kendall managed, voice unsteady. He closed his eye and swallowed. "Shit. Oh shit, you guys." His fear was audible and it terrified Logan.

"Kendall, what?" Logan rang for the nurse, a thousand scenarios assaulting his medical mind. "What is it?"

"I 'member." And Kendall was tearing up again, but it was different than the night before. This Kendall was angry. This Kendall was pissed. " Loags, I _'member_. Tha's how tha' _douche_ bro' my wris'. The _bastard_!"

Kendall's breathing hitched and James paled. "I'm sorry, Kendall. I didn't know. I didn't think-"

"I di'n' know either, James."

"It's not your fault, honey." Kendall's nurse moved into the room, trailed by Carlos. "What they put this poor baby through today, he's exhausted. Has no reserves at all, isn't that right, Kendall?"

Kendall relaxed visibly as the woman put a hand on his forehead. "Hey Ai'a."

"Hey Aida yourself. What happened? You are all worked up." She slipped a thermometer under his tongue.

"He remembered something," Logan stuttered, "uh, about the attack. It was kind of a shock."

"I'll bet it was. The three of you almost look as bad as him."

"My wris'," Kendall spoke as she removed the thermometer. "The guy bro' it. Behin' my back!" He started gulping air again.

"Shhh," she soothed him. "I know, remembering can be frightening. They told you that, right? But it's a good sign that your brain is healing. Now let's get you settled down so I can get a good BP, ok? We don't want all those docs back in here because I read a spike, right? Take a deep breath for me, honey."

Logan found himself breathing along with Aida's coaching, but it didn't calm his guilt. He looked at James and Carlos and knew they were thinking the same thing he was – they'd screwed Kendall up. Again.

"If you fine gentlemen could step out of the room for a minute," Aida asked. "Mr. Knight and I have some checks to finish and a little freshening up to do."

"Ai'a, no. Please." Kendall clasped at her wrist. "Please le' em stay."

"I'll send them right back in, doll, soon as we're done. Everyone could use a minute. Boys, just wait for me in the lounge, I'll come straight for you," she smiled.

"Back in a minute, Kendall," Carlos said solemnly.

"In a few, bro," James added, patting Kendall's leg before they filed out.


	11. Chapter 11

"At least he didn't want us to leave this time."

Logan might have nodded absently as Carlos attempted his positive spin. He might have patted his friend's shoulder as they once again threw themselves onto unyielding chairs lining a tastefully blank space. But Logan honestly couldn't say, because Logan's mind wasn't aware of what his body was doing. It wasn't aware of what his eyes were seeing. Logan's mind was busy. Being Kendall.

Kendall, five days ago.

Kendall, with a monster pinning his arm behind his back.

Kendall, desperate and terrified and powerless.

Kendall, hearing the echo of his own bone snap.

Logan's mind was feeling the roadside grit under his knees as he was forced down at the edge of the pavement; the wrench of his shoulder against its own socket; the burn of his skin being twisted in circles; the panic setting in as any notion of a winnable wrestling match was smothered by the giant looming overhead, manic, angry.

And Logan is bleeding, he's beaten, but he's still fighting because he's Kendall. He's squirming, he's adjusting, he's giving desperately in the direction he's being forced, trying, trying to prevent the break, until finally the torque is too much and the bone splinters.

Real-time Logan feels like he's going to hurl, and his brain divides its attention enough to have his hand cover his mouth before it dives back in to feature presentation.

Because…was it then? When Kendall was breathless with fresh pain and shock, was it then the bastard grabbed his hair with those enormous hands, dragged him up from the ground, lifted him off his feet and slammed his face down onto the top of the car door?

"_Logan?"_

Was it that first blow that knocked him unconscious? Or did he feel his cheek shatter, and then know it was coming again? Was he choking? Crying? Could he breathe through the blood and the panic when he felt himself being hurled down again and smashed into that beautiful car, rammed onto the narrow surface where the window was rolled down, where the edges cut twin lines into his skin? Was he-

"_Logan!" _

"_What!" _Logan was pulled back to a body that was being shaken none-too-gently by a tearful Carlos, who was calling back over his shoulder.

"James! He broke Logan too, James!"

"Carlos, let _go_!" Logan shoved his friend's arms away, immediately regretting his force when Carlos's eyes widened in hurt. "I'm not broken," he added gently. "Nobody's broken."

"Kendall's broken." Carlos said, his voice thick.

"No, he's not broken," Logan lied patiently. _Except_ _he is. _"He just can't remember things." _And he shouldn't._ _What he does remember is horrific enough._

"You're broken," Carlos insisted, petulant. "We were right here calling you and you weren't answering us, for, like, ever." He took half a step back, eyes not leaving Logan. "I thought you were freaking out, too."

"Carlos…" Logan sighed it, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He just needed some space to think, especially after what Kendall had remembered. That was all. To sort through these images and memories and what-if's and file everything where it needed to go. What he really needed was some time alone. "Look, I'm not going to freak out. I'm OK. I was just… thinking."

"You're crying," Carlos pointed out.

"So are you," Logan countered sharply. _An easy out because really, when weren't they anymore? It was ridiculous. _

"I was only crying because you were crying, and you wouldn't answer us, and I thought I was going to have to go get Aida, and you'd end up next to Kendall-"

"Carlos! I'm _fine_! "

"It's hard to tell the difference anymore," Carlos muttered, turning away. He gave a wastebasket a half hearted kick on his way to stare out the window. "Everything's so mixed up."

Logan watched Carlos's back, wishing he had the right words to offer. A Kendallesque speech about getting through this together. _Yeah._ _We cry together. We watch Kendall have PTSD and flashbacks and throw things together. We cry some more. Just another wacky BTR day. _

"I know what you were doing."

James sat casually across the room, body shifted sideways in a blocky upholstered chair, legs hanging over one arm, head thrown back to gaze at the industrial lighting overhead as he delivered the accusation.

"Yeah, _thinking_. I said that, genius."

"No," James matter-of-factly contradicted the ceiling. "You were remembering." He slowly rolled himself upright and set his feet on the floor. "You were _remembering_ what happened. And if you told Kendall, it would fix him."

"No," Logan attempted to wave James off with a dismissive laugh, "I wasn't. And no -" he added some steel to his own words "- it wouldn't."

"Logan…"

"Ja-ames. Even if I knew what happened, which I don't, Kendall needs to be the one-"

"Blah blah doctor talk blah!" James fairly leapt across the room and into Logan's space. "What Kendall _needs_ is to know his friends will help him. His _best_ friends. His friends that he got his ass kicked for."

"Well, duh." Carlos returned from his window exile. "We'd do anything for Kendall. Logan would, we all would."

"Right." James had him pinned in place with that stare, with that challenge that Logan was _in no way_ going to accept. "And Kendall can't remember what happened. You said yourself, Logan, that's what's wrong with him. But you remember what happened. You can tell Kendall."

"You can fix him, Logan?"

"No!" He glared right back at James. _Don't you dare._ _Don't you dare get Carlos's hopes up._ "No I can't, Carlos. Kendall needs time to get better. The doctors say his brain needs to heal and then he'll remember some stuff. Me telling him isn't the same."

"But you do remember other stuff," James persisted. "You were remembering, just a minute ago.

"Oh really, Dr. Diamond?" Logan retorted, desperate now in his defense. "Tell me then. What other stuff did I suddenly remember?"

"More than what you told us. More than what you told him."

"Is that what was making him cry?"

"_No_, Carlos! It wasn't." He didn't want to snap but damn it, James wouldn't shut up. "And that's not even- I wasn't even remembering stuff. I was thinking, like I told you."

"Thinking about what happened to Kendall."

"James, when are you going to get it? I don't _know_ what else happened to Kendall! I wasn't _there_! I didn't _see_ it!"

"What about what you did see?"

And there came that puking feeling again.

"What about what you did see, Logan?"

_No_.

Logan lunged forward, roaring, shoving James back with both hands, hard enough to make him stumble. "_You know what_?" And damn it, he was going to start crying again. "I already _told_ you! You want to hear it again so much, read the police report!"

"Gentlemen." They all swung their heads to where Aida had appeared. "And I can only continue to call you that if you can manage to keep your voices down - Mr. Schmidt is very much ready for you to return to his room."

"Really?" Carlos practically sprinted toward the door. And away, Logan was certain, from his unhinged friend.

"So really, he's threatened to have me fired if you aren't there five minutes ago. Not that I'd care," she added as James moved quickly after Carlos, "but I do _not_ want to listen to him whine anymore."

"Thanks Aida!"

Logan waited until he couldn't hear their footsteps, drawing some deep breaths through his nose, willing away his racing pulse and the heat that prickled at the back of his eyes thanks to stupid James. No matter how he puffed his cheeks and slowly blew out, his jaw still tensed and his lip threatened to quiver. Maybe a stop in the bathroom. He'd performed the cliché water-splash on his face enough times this week that someone could very well mistake him for a real doctor. On a soap opera.

"Here, honey." He started as Aida pushed a tissue packet into his hand.

"Oh." To his chagrin, he felt tears threaten yet again. Maybe James wasn't wrong when he dropped Midol in his lap the other day. "Thanks."

"We learn to always have these handy." She stayed there next to him as he tucked the package in his pocket, and Logan wondered if he was supposed to say something more.

"I, uh, should go back." He gestured briefly to the hallway. "Kendall."

Aida nodded in agreement, but reached for Logan's wrist as he passed, turning him to face her.

"It'll be OK, baby." She gave his wrist a squeeze. "That boy in there, he's so brave."

"I know." Logan mumbled, staring at her white Reeboks.

"What you don't seem to know is you're just as brave." She gave his arm a tiny shake as he scoffed. "Yes you are. And he needs that from you. I watch him, all the odd hours, worrying and fretting. He needs you. He needs you to keep being brave. That's what's gonna 'fix him', as your boys like to say."

"Me?" Logan studied her kind face, wondering if this small woman really had the answers, and worrying that she did.

"You."

And with one final squeeze Aida was off down the hall, leaving Logan to ponder what bravery really was.

**It seems silly to leave notes for a story that's taking so excruciatingly long to complete. Every time I think I'm going to be able to finish, I don't. I'm sorry about that, and extra thankful to you who continue to read and review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Yes, another several months, it's so ridiculous I can't apologize anymore. But when I finish this story I'll get to finish reading Another Reason by HeavenRose so I'm working hard. It's just the boys continuously surprise me and then I have to write it. The end of this chapter, for example? Totally changed. **

**So, warnings for more Emo Logan angst than even he can handle, plus toilet humor and some questionable language. (I know, HR, it's not your fav but I can't help writing their dialog that way.)**

**Thanks to HeavenRose for reviews and really sharing a view on Logan & Kendall's dynamic, plus Mama Knight. Thanks to the loyal Child who is cool, Glee Clue Rock and Rockport268 for sticking with it, and to moon-soon, Tohruismyoneechan for discovering it. 2,446 words, hope they're good ones, let's go! **

"Hey, Logan!" Carlos practically jumped on him in the hallway, latching a hand to the back of his neck and dragging him into Kendall's room. "Notice anything different about Kendall?"

"Uhhhm…" Logan wasn't sure what kind of reception he had expected after the scene in the lounge, but it certainly wasn't Carlos in full-on Tigger mode. "He… isn't covered in stuffed toys?"

"Oh!" Carlos paused appraisingly, "well, that too. But look _lower_."

"_Car_'os," Kendall whined pitifully.

Thoroughly confused, Logan cast about for a clue. Kendall was covering his face, apparently in embarrassment. James rolled his eyes and jerked his head toward the bed. Carlos bounced on the balls of his feet, making impatient hand circles to speed Logan's answer.

"He's unpluggggged…" he supplied by way of a hint.

"Uhhh…" Unplugged? IV's were still present and accounted for, as was the pulse ox. Behind Carlos, James began to mime speech, over-exaggerating each syllable so he looked more like he was trying to unhinge his jaw than impart an answer. "Aaah. Cah? Cat?" Logan guessed, baffled. "I already said the stuffed animals were gone."

"Agh!" Carlos burst. "His catheter is gone!"

"CAR'OS!"

"What?" Carlos protested. "That's good, right? I mean, man, probably feels loads better."

"_Carlos!_" they chorused, but he refused to look abashed. James gave him a shove and Logan took advantage of Carlos returning the favor to slip to the opposite side of the bed and focus on the big news.

"So, you're mobile! Since when?"

"This mor'in'," Kendall answered, trying for offhand but obviously pleased.

The genuine pride that shone in his broken smile triggered a mirror reaction from Logan, with the difference that his own grin was so broad he could barely get words out. At least, he chose to blame the involuntary dominance of his facial muscles, rather than the sudden tightness that gripped his throat. He finally managed a "That's great, Kendall!" Because it was. _So why was he being such a girl?_

"Yeah." Kendall left-smiled again. " 's comin' alon'."

Now that they had embarrassingly elevated the act of being helped out of bed and escorted to the bathroom to a hat-trick level of teary achievement, Logan was at a loss as to where to take the chat. Clearing his achy throat, he settled on drawing Carlos into doing something else rude and quickly lobbed the bait. "Well, if you're so self-reliant now, you might wanna watch how fast you drink that smoothie." He indicated the mostly melted drink clutched in Kendall's left hand.

"Shu' up. Sides, smoothie's worth it." Kendall slurped for emphasis.

"I say, drink away. Carlos can always take you," James volunteered.

Carlos shrugged. "I'd do that, if you needed me to. And if James gave me a bandana to use as a blindfold."

James mini-shrieked and Kendall laughed. "S'not necessary, than's."

"Still," Carlos repeated seriously, "I would do it if you needed me to."

Kendall shifted so he could see Carlos full on with his good eye, and gave him a long, considering look that ended with a gentle smile. "Than' you, Carli'os."

It was ironic, Logan would reflect later, how this understated affirmation of friendship would lead to his undoing. Because even as Carlos nodded quietly back to Kendall, Logan felt his innocent words tug a shroud of tension into the room and wrap it around them all. _'I would do it if you needed me to.' _Hairs rose on the back of Logan's neck even as his stomach dropped. He knew without looking that James was watching him.

"So," he addressed Kendall brightly, "bathroom adventure aside, Aida wasn't kidding when she said you had a big day. Getting out of bed. Doctors in and out. No wonder we couldn't wake you up! We, uh, we could go if you want to sleep…"

"Don't you dare," James growled from across Kendall, and the shroud pulled tighter.

Snared, Logan ignored James and looked to Carlos and Kendall in supplication. But Kendall had closed his eye and, wounded lips pressed flat together, was gripping his smoothie so that it buckled slightly. Carlos was giving him a desolate look, the one where his questioning eyes were tinged with the world's hurt. The ache Logan had been fighting all week gave an experimental kick against his ribs. Neither he nor it enjoyed being trapped.

"I was just saying…" he faltered weakly.

"We can't leave now, Logie."

The thud against Logan's ribs grew stronger as the pressure rose toward his throat. For a second the room was quiet as Logan struggled mentally for escape. But even he knew he wouldn't follow it through. Somehow, in a way they'd been doing since they were in third grade, they'd all arrived at the same place by unspoken consensus.

Kendall sighed and opened his eye. "You know I needa know, Logan."

He was supposed to match Kendall's calm, but somehow "_cornered"_ brought along its own impulses. The smooth, clinical answer in his head sharpened into a defensive swing as soon as it hit air.

"You're supposed to remember on your own."

"Yeah, 'cause _tha's_ so much fun," Kendall slashed back.

"Kendall…" Did he think Logan wanted him to hurt like that? He didn't even want _talk_ that hurt. And lately all talk had that potential.

"Logan." Kendall rested his smoothie-frozen fingers on Logan's wrist. "Loo', jus' tell me."

This was Kendall. Soothing Kendall, who saw everything about Logan. So why didn't he understand? "Kendall," he stuttered, staring at Kendall's fingers but thinking he should be looking for the emesis basin. "I can't. I don't have… I didn't see."

"Jus' tell me wha' happened," Kendall insisted. The plead was growing beneath the placating. Logan crumbled a little at the idea of staving him off.

"I wasn't even there for all of it. I was off saving my own skin, remember?"

"As a ma'er of fac', I don'," Kendall snarked, pulling his hand back.

"Don't be perverse."

"Logan," James warned.

" 'm no' per'erse, 'm brain damaged."

"Stop it." _Damn, did his voice have to quiver?_ "Stop it. You are not brain damaged. You just need ti-"

"_No_? Heh, I jus' ha' a bi' chunk a m' mem'ry missin' for no reason. How 'bout you splain why?"

"No." Logan was hating himself more with each word.

"No?" James leaned over the bed, incredulous. "What do you mean 'no', Logan? Just tell him what happened!"

"I told him." His voice had pitched so high, his throat was burning. "Kendall knows what happened."

"Ken'all knows 's much as anyone who read thad ar'icle." Kendall gestured at the newspaper clipping. "Think I 'serve to hear more'n the general publi'."

"Don't you guilt me into this, Kendall." Logan stepped back, trying to hide his shaking. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"You don' thin'?" Kendall asked evenly. And oh God, he could see how pained Kendall was, how both summoning the words and forcing them out past the broken bones was hurting him. "Logan, I don' really _care_ what you thin'! I wa'e up and my _face_ is bro'en and my _wris'_ is bro'en and my brain's fugging _scrambled_ and all I'm asking 's for you to tell me _how the fug it happen'_ so I don't ha' fugging post- 'raumatic stress disorder attac's e'ery _fugging_ hour! "

"Kendall, easy!" Carlos darted in to move the smoothie cup out of harm's way, settling his own grip on Kendall's wrist as he did so. "Logan…"he pleaded but Logan was running right over his peacemaking.

"Don't you _get_ it?" Logan dug his fingers into his hair. "I couldn't have helped with your wrist. I DIDN'T SEE IT. I WASN'T THERE."

"But you saw some things." Kendall kept pressing, his desperation slicing Logan into tiny ribbons. "Some things I can' 'member. You have t' tell me Logan. Please."

'_Please.'_ Oh God. Logan spun on his heel, unable to look at Kendall. "I can't. Kendall, I can't."

"Logan, if you know something…"

"I don't _want_ to!" Logan turned back and stared at them all. "Why would you want to? How in the world could we _want_ him to remember that, James? To remember how scared he was for Katie? How we couldn't escape because the car wouldn't move? To remember how it felt and sounded when the bone snapped behind his back? What that car door looked like when his face was being smashed into it? Why does anybody want him to remember that?"

"Because dude." It was Carlos, gently approaching Logan and grasping his elbow. "They're his memories."

" 's OK. 's OK, Car'os." Kendall's voice was soft, sympathetic, the fury of earlier dissipated. "Logan. You can' protec' me from it."

Logan's laugh hurt his chest. "Look who's talking, Holden Caufield. That's exactly what you wanted to do with Katie, even though she'd already seen it all. That's what had you throwing things against the wall."

"Ka'ie is ten."

"And you're 16. I can do the math, thank you."

"So. _I_ can han'le it. I can han'le 'memberin'. I _wanna_ 'member. I don' wanna have somethin' – I don' wanna worry tha' any ran'om thin' coul' …ma'e me …thin' not good things. Anywhere." Kendall broke off, concentrating on a long draw from the straw Carlos has restored to him. That his speech had become almost unintelligible only added to Logan's misery. "I don' wanna wai' for the nex' frea'ou', Lo'an," he finished quietly, rubbing his thumb against the plastic cup. "I can' - it can' be like tha'."

"I know," Logan heard himself say. As he spoke, he knew it was true. Everything he knew about Kendall but had been trying not to acknowledge slipped clearly into place, and he knew. It was control, lack of control, that had Kendall terrified. Kendall, who braved all things without pause, who mentally maneuvered their way around all obstacles, was afraid of his memory ambushing him in Technicolor. Without a warning of what to expect, he had no defense. No defense, no plan. Logan envisioned a Kendall cringing at every sight and sound lest it cause a flashback; a Kendall forever treading softly, trying not to trigger the onslaught of high definition horror locked somewhere in his brain. Once again a Carlos quote came back to him: '_That wasn't Kendall_.' But now Logan knew how to fix him. Even if he broke himself in the doing.

His chest was buzzing, tight with the desire to cry and puke and his own voice in his head was begging him not to go forward, not to talk, but it was what Kendall needed. _Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. In through your nose…_

"…Logan?" The prompt was sure. Asking for confidence. Promising understanding. This was their Kendall.

"You were dead."

A gasp to his left and Carlos gripped his arm more tightly. Logan blinked once and continued. The dam was open. The flood was going to come out now and it would take all of his focus to stay above water.

"Katie screamed and I came around the car and you were laying on the ground, in this… heap. Blood on your face and your throat. Blood all over the car. And the way you…were. The way you looked. I knew. You were dead."

"I wasn't," Kendall whispered hoarsely.

Logan could not look up at him, keeping his eyes on Carlos's decorated IV base although what he was actually seeing was miles, and days, away.

"I couldn't know that, not until I got closer. All I had to go on was what I saw in front of me. And what I had seen, before I ran away."

"You di'n' run aw-"

"Don't."

Not now, they couldn't stop. The flood was loose and he had to paddle straight through to the end or he'd die on the rocks. He'd almost totalled a canoe on the rocks once with Kendall, back home, and that rush is all he can think about now as he's propelled forward with the same dizzy powerlessness. Of course, that time, Kendall had laughed.

"The last I saw you, you had blood running down your face from the guy breaking your nose. He punched you and knocked you into the backseat after you got Katie away from him. But then you were standing with one foot on top of the driver's seat and one on top of the driver's door, screaming like a madman, and you _jumped_" - his gut clenched with that same fear in the retelling - "jumped your stupid bleeding broken face through the air and right onto the guy's back and God, Kendall - he barely even swayed. And I knew it then, I _knew_ you were a dead man. And I _left_."

Carlos had two hands on his arm now, and Logan gripped him back. He was almost done, almost. His chest burned and his throat ached and his head pounded and he knew he was covered with tears and snot and spit but it was almost over, almost all out.

"And when I came back - Katie ran away from me to get back to you and I chased her - and we found you… I was so afraid to go around the car but I had to follow Katie and then she screamed and… He had just dropped you in the dirt. Just dropped you in the dirt and I thought - Kendall, you were _dead_. And I'm _so_ _sorry_. I left you - and you were dead."

Warm arms wrapped around his shoulder and he let himself be pulled in to collapse against James's chest, promptly giving up use of his legs in the trust that his taller friend was keeping him from hitting the floor. Plastic met the back of his knees, and he was settled into a chair, Carlos wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and his blood thrumming in his ears while James crouched in front of him.

"Logan." James, who was holding himself together remarkably well, was addressing him like one might a preschooler holding a grenade pin. "Kendall's right here. He's not dead."

"I know that." Because duh, he did. He wasn't delusional. He reached gratefully for the handful of tissues Carlos offered, trying to at least clean up his nose. "But I thought he was. I looked at him and I knew he was."

"Logan…" Kendall started, but stopped as abruptly. Because really, Logan thought, what was there to say? Kendall was Kendall, over and over and through and through. Logan was Logan, like it or not. And this Logan was going to see the image of that Kendall, that lifeless Kendall, for the rest of time.


	13. Chapter 13

**Poor Logan! He's been waiting for nearly two years to get this chapter off his chest. Not that he wanted to go see the psychologist but since he did, he wants to be sure you read all 2,004 juicy words of pure Logan angst before anything else happens. Yes, two years and all it is, is more Emo. I hope everyone's been well and enjoys. **

** I did also publish a one-shot based on Heffron Drive's song called, appropriately, Home. Check it out. It's rated M because James drops the F-bomb often.**

"So, you hate Kendall."

"I – _what_?" Logan snapped his head up so fast it actually hurt. "No! Kendall's my best friend!"

"He speaks! OK, so you don't hate Kendall. You're afraid of him."

"Afraid?" His jaw dropped as he shook his head in disbelief. "No. Where are you _getting_ this?"

"From you, Logan. How about resent?"

"No."

"Jealous? "

"_No_!" Logan slapped the leather-padded arm of his chair. "Stop it. This is ridiculous. Kendall's my best friend!"

"Well," Dr. Jacoby settled back in his matching armchair with a look of gentle satisfaction, "it's nice of you to finally get with the game. And for the record I don't believe that you hate, fear or envy Kendall."

"Gee, thanks," Logan grumbled, irritated at having been tricked into talking.

"But you do hate, fear or resent something to do with Kendall."

Dr. Jacoby was a nice guy, a psychologist. Young, friendly. He didn't make Logan as nervous as he was expecting to be. But Logan still didn't want to be there. And he didn't care to offer any ammunition to be filed under 'unstable.'

"You're wrong."

"I don't think so. What are you doing right now?"

Logan stopped chipping away at the label glued to his bottle of OJ and quickly set it down on the side table.

"Kind of classic body language, my friend. Let's take a different tack. Let's call it frustration. Or worry, if that's more palatable. Didn't you tell me you're the designated worrier among your friends?"

Logan half smiled. "Not in the worry-free zone." He blinked a few times and swallowed back an unexpected lump.

"And what's that, now?"

"Worry-free zone." He breathed out a laugh. "Kendall, that morning, it was his idea. That we weren't allowed to worry about anything, just to drive and enjoy the view until we had to go back home. It was the whole reason he wanted to go out." Logan flicked a rolled-up piece of OJ label at the trash can. "You have to appreciate the irony."

"What is it you worry about, Logan?"

Logan shrugged. "Grades. A lot. Gustavo. Recording. Dancing. Touring. Being good enough."

"OK."

"OK?"

"Those are very standard worries for a boy your age. Not touring, specifically, but performance. Measuring up. That's nothing unusual and the way you so readily list them, you clearly understand them and aren't ignoring them. That's better than most."

"Oh." Logan ruminated on that statement for a second, surprised at the simplicity of it. "OK."

"But what about the rest of it?"

"The rest?"

"Worries. You're clearly holding out on me. Maybe on you."

"Nahhh. I'm, you know – everything's fine." _Smile if off. Clap your hands. It will be fine._ Jacoby looked at him expectantly, and he found himself compelled to continue. "I mean, the guys are a little goofy and sometimes…"

"Yes?"

Really? How was it the man could utter one syllable and make Logan want to bare his soul? Psychologist Jedi powers.

"Uh, sometimes they make stupid decisions and I try to talk them out of it?" Damn.

"So, would you say you're the voice of reason?"

"Um," Logan cleaned imaginary dirt from his fingernails. "I guess."

"Good. But that's common sense, Logan. Not worry."

"I don't… always talk them out of it."

"Ah," Jacoby tapped his pen at his bottom lip. Logan found it reassuring that there was a psychologist who bit the end of his pen. "So, worries?"

OK, Jedi pen. But somehow Logan was relieved to give in and nod.

"About what, in particular?"

"Hah, uh…About everything. Back home it was detention, suspension. Community service. Broken bones. That was mostly Carlos. Saying the wrong thing, making a fool out of himself, not paying attention to his surroundings? James. "

"You sound like their mother."

"I _feel_ like their mother. About as unappreciated, anyway."

The doctor laughed. "Wait until you're actually a parent. You can't imagine."

"If it's worse than this, forget it. I won't have a child who moons someone twice their size."

"And that was?"

"Carlos and Kendall. Actually mooned an entire hockey team. I thought they were going to get killed." Logan backpedaled as he heard his own words. "I don't think I meant to say that."

"And yet you did." Jacoby put his pen down. "I get the feeling that's not the only time you've had that thought, Logan. And I don't mean in a casual-manner-of-speech way."

Logan crossed his arms in front of himself, his left thumbnail finding its way to his teeth. He remembered Kendall and Carlos with their icy insult as they were being tossed out of the game. And after, Kendall yelling toe-to-toe with Duluth's captain under the bleachers until the guy took a swing at him. He missed, but Logan had pushed Kendall back, and James helped drag him, and Carlos, away. He thought of all the times he saw bigger guys take swings at Kendall, some connecting, some not. He thought of times when Kendall had paid the price.

"I thought he was gonna die in hockey once." He couldn't believe he was telling this story. "This guy slammed him from behind, and his head hit the boards so hard. He couldn't breathe right after it happened."

"What then?"

"Cervical collar. They stabilized his head and back. Took him off on a stretcher to the ER. "

"Where were you?"

"They wouldn't let us near him." _God, why wouldn't they? Logan had training, he could have helped_. "The coaches, I mean. And the EMTs. Plus there was other, uh, action happening on the ice."

"Such as?"

"Such as Carlos attacking the guy who hit Kendall, James jumping in, and about 15 players wrestling in a pile."

"They didn't think it was an accident?"

"It was intentional." Jacoby, Logan knew, had already figured that. "The other team didn't like us beating them. Kendall was the captain, and he had just scored. I mean, Kendall'd been running interference all game anyway, keeping the worst of their guys away from…"

"Away from…?"

"James. James and me." _Damn it, Kendall._" He stepped in, made himself the target, kept attention on himself by talking trash. So when they wanted someone to take it out on…"

"So this is part of who Kendall is. Protector."

Logan's mental image flashed again, to Kendall in the high school hallways with Logan shoved behind him. With James shoved behind him. A member of the bowling team, a cheerleader, a band member, a foreign exchange student. And God help anyone who ever bothered Katie, anywhere. Kendall stood in front of them all, Kendall the protector. Who had always worried Logan sick. He nodded dumbly, looking Jacoby in the eye. "Yes."

"And you've know Kendall since you were kids. Do you see that changing any time soon?"

"No," he answered miserably.

"Neither do I."

"So I just live around him holding my breath, waiting for the next psycho to try and kill him?"

"Do you do that now? You being the worrier?"

"I'm always waiting for it. Always calculating the consequences if Kendall goes postal. Suspension. Losing his job. Being escorted home by police. That's how we came to LA, you know. Gustavo insulted James, Kendall came to his defense, we all got dragged off by the police. Gustavo liked Kendall's 'fire'." Logan snorted. Kendall's fire.

"In other words, the fierceness of his protective streak? The exact quality that causes you stress."

"Yep," Logan adopted a sarcastic false cheer. "And now I'll just have to add 'dead by the side of the road, intubated and comatose' to the list of potential outcomes."

"I think it's unlikely that you would encounter this severe of an incident again, don't you think?"

"Hello, _hockey_. He's already almost died twice."

"Well, the good news is that really reduces the odds of it happening again, right?"

Logan scowled at Jacoby's attempt at humor. Everything was getting so twisted up. Sinking his face into his hands, he felt sudden guilt at the whole direction this stupid conversation had taken. _A whole emotion conga line._ He was making too much of it. This was only a tiny side of Kendall. He was a true friend, a natural leader and yes, a protector who tried to keep everyone calm. Until he couldn't keep himself calm. And he, Logan, just needed to occasionally try to prevent that from happening. Compared to everything Kendall did, how hard a job was that?

"It's not your fault, Logan."

"How did you know – that's unsettling."

"Years of practice. Literally. Let's lay this to rest, and then we're done for today. You keep referring back to Kendall's condition after the attack."

"Kind of hard to forget."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You didn't end up Intubated and comatose."

"I noticed."

"How did you end up?"

"Running like a dog?"

Jacoby rolled his eyes. "And after that?"

"Sitting uselessly on my ass next to my dying best friend?"

"Not useless, Logan. Who called for help? Who took care of Katie? Who got Kendall to listen when he was fighting the EMTs? Who provided the description that got the man arrested? You did. All of that. "

"It didn't matter." Logan shifted angrily. They'd been through this. "It was all too late."

"What could you have done earlier?"

"Fought?"

"Kendall told you to run. You know that you running with Katie saved her. "

"Driven differently. Not pulled over. Not gone in the first place!" Logan yelled.

"Ah. So if you'd stayed in the apartment, none of this would have happened. But why did you leave the apartment?"

"Kendall wanted to. He begged. And there's no- he's very hard to resist." He swiped at the tears threatening to fall.

"So it's Kendall's fault that this happened."

"_No!_"

"It's your fault."

"No. We should be able to go out and drive in a car, for God's sake."

"I agree. So how much farther back can we go for this blame? His mother?"

"What?"

"Well, certainly she could see he had a self-sacrificing protective streak a mile wide. Why did she raise him that way? Couldn't she beat it out of him?"

"God, Kendall's the best son – back home, he did everything. He worked and cooked and watched Katie and—"

"Then maybe we should blame his father?"

"Yeah. Yes. Let's blame him." _The bastard._

"OK, let's." The psychologist leaned forward and tilted his head to the side to make eye contact. "So," he continued in a gentle voice, "unless you'd been there to stop Kendall's father from being Kendall's father, because we've agreed that's where this protective issue originates, there is nothing you could have done to prevent what happened on Saturday when a stranger attacked Katie, and Kendall fought back, and asked you to save his sister. "

Logan wipes his eyes one last time and managed a small smile. "You don't play fair. "

"I only lay out the facts as you present them to me, Logan. You are in no way responsible for what happened on Saturday. Nor are you responsible for Kendall's personality traits, positive or negative. You are, however, responsible for choosing how you go on from here."

"What do you mean?"

"You saw very frightening things on Saturday, things you don't ever want to see again. But you hold this belief that as long as you stay friends with Kendall, there's a risk that you might. That's the fear, Logan. That possibility. You have to decide whether you want to live with that fear, and if so, how you are going to learn to handle it. "

_Oh sure, he could do that. Not._ "Gee, is that all?"

"Yes." Jacoby was standing, offering his hand to Logan. "You're stronger than you think you are, Logan. I'll see you next week. Meanwhile, if you need me, you call. I'll be here." He gave a gentle squeeze to Logan's shoulder as he opened the door. Logan looked into the genuine face and decided he might believe him. Maybe. And stepped out into the empty hall.


End file.
